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  • Dear Abby | Message about new husband arrives anonymously

    DEAR ABBY: I’ve been married to my husband for two months. I haven’t told anyone I’m married except my close friends and family. Someone recently messaged me about my husband, stating that he has Asperger’s. They know my name and have my phone number. I don’t know who this person is or why they would tell me this now.

    I already suspected my husband has Asperger’s, so I’m not shocked, but this is eating me up inside. I can’t sleep. I can’t think. I recently lost my mom to cancer. Now I’m facing this. I previously dated a narcissist who used to lie regularly. But after all that heartbreak and torment, I’m now with someone who lies to me again? I’m so confused and upset. I really do want to ask my husband to get assessed. I don’t think I can trust him anymore. Do you have advice for me?

    — LOSING AGAIN IN CANADA

    DEAR LOSING: Let me point out that individuals who write anonymous letters usually are not trying to be helpful and instead may be trying to cause trouble in your marriage. Before asking your husband to be assessed for Asperger’s, go online and read as much information about it as you can. You might also consider contacting the Association for Autism and Neurodiversity (aane.org), which has been mentioned in my column before.

    If what you learn from reliable resources indicates that it could be your husband’s problem, then by all means suggest he be assessed. He may not necessarily be “lying” to you as much as being in denial. This does not have to destroy a marriage. Many successful people are on the spectrum.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: My best friend and co-worker is 57. I’m 32. Her husband died two years ago, leaving her and her 22-year-old son alone. We’ve been best friends and co-workers for the last six years, but over the last few months, I’ve been realizing she’s a lot more to me than just a friend.

    I am nervous about trying to make advances because I don’t know if the feelings are mutual or how she views our age difference. I don’t want to risk ruining our friendship. I just know that my heart skips a few beats when our eyes meet or our fingers accidentally touch. I’ve realized these last few months that I’m falling hard for her, and I’m afraid to let her know. If I don’t, however, my feelings are going to eat me alive. What should I do?

    — FALLING FOR HER IN KANSAS

    DEAR FALLING: Ask your best friend (and co-worker) to join you for a casual lunch or dinner. Keep it light but tell her how much you enjoy her company and ask if the age difference between you bothers her. If the answer is no, explain that you care very much for her and wonder if she’d be open to the idea of dating you.

    If she says yes, and there are rules at your job that discourage “fraternizing,” you may have to find another place to work. If she responds that dating would be awkward, let her know you will always be her friend because you think she is special.

  • Helping Philadelphia’s Children Heal

    Helping Philadelphia’s Children Heal

    For more than five decades, Philadelphia’s Children’s Crisis Treatment Center (CCTC) has opened its doors to vulnerable young people and families who have been impacted by violence, loss, and adversity. “Helping a child heal doesn’t just change their life. It strengthens their family, their extended network, and, in a very real way, their community,” the organization’s CEO Antonio “Tony” Valdés, 61, said. “That’s what continues to inspire me: understanding that the work we do at CCTC ripples outward, touching countless lives beyond the one child sitting in front of us.” Since taking the helm in 1997, Valdés has transformed CCTC from a small local agency into a cornerstone of children’s mental health care in the greater Philly region, helping the nonprofit expand from four programs to 15, to reach more than 3,500 young people each year.

    Valdés has spent his career focused on the guiding belief that every child, no matter their circumstances, deserves the chance to feel safe, seen, and supported. Under his leadership, CCTC has redefined what community-based care looks like, meeting families where they are, honoring their cultures and experiences, and building systems of care rooted in empathy and equity. In this Q&A, Valdés reflects on the urgent mental health needs facing Philadelphia’s children, the evolution of trauma-informed care, and how CCTC continues to offer hope where it’s needed most.

    What inspired you to do the work you do today?

    I think it has a lot to do with how I grew up. I was very fortunate as a child. My parents are immigrants, my father from Cuba, my mother from the Dominican Republic. When I was young, my dad started his own business and we moved from the States back to the Dominican Republic. Living in another country as a teenager gave me a deeper sense of perspective.

    It made me think about culture as the environment we live and grow in, the “soup,” so to speak, that shapes our narratives and defines how we experience the world. That way of seeing things naturally led me to think about systems: families, neighborhoods, schools, and how they all influence children’s lives.

    So when I began working in mental health, I was already thinking in those systemic terms. A few years later, I had the chance to work with children and it immediately clicked. I realized that the earlier you reach a child, the greater the impact you can have.

    Helping a child heal doesn’t just change their life. It strengthens their family, their extended network, and, in a very real way, their community. That’s what continues to inspire me: understanding that the work we do at CCTC ripples outward, touching countless lives beyond the one child sitting in front of us.

    What do you bring to this job that is unique?

    First, I’m very persistent. Once I decide to go down a path, I keep pushing forward. Second, I’m personable and social. I interact casually with people, which makes me approachable. Finally, I bring a practical, analytical approach to the work. Many CEOs in this field come from operations or program backgrounds, and I do too, but I also have a knack for numbers and finance. That combination allows me to manage the business side of CCTC effectively while staying deeply connected to our programs and the families we serve.

    Right now, our annual budget is about $30-35 million, and managing that while staying true to our mission requires both persistence and practicality.

    You’ve talked about the importance of early intervention. Why does that matter so much?

    The earlier you intervene and support families, the better. A lot of our work at CCTC focuses on helping parents and caregivers understand what their children are experiencing, what we call “psychoeducation.” We help them see that many behaviors, even the difficult ones, make sense in light of what a child has lived through. It’s not “bad behavior.” It’s a natural response to trauma. It’s actually not normal for a child to go through terrible things and show no signs of distress.

    Science now backs this up. The landmark Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) study, conducted more than 20 years ago, revealed powerful connections between early trauma and long-term health outcomes, including not only behavioral issues or substance use problems, but even higher rates of heart disease and cancer. What we’ve learned since then, through brain imaging and neuroscience, is that trauma in early childhood can actually shape how the brain develops. The brain adapts to prioritize survival, and other areas, the ones that regulate learning, relationships, and emotion, can be underdeveloped as a result.

    That’s why early, loving, consistent relationships are so crucial. The most powerful protective factor is the presence of caring, dependable adults in a child’s early life. The next is a sense of belonging and community. When those are strong, children build resilience.

    Some adversity can actually help children grow, as long as that balance tips toward safety, love, and connection.

    How has CCTC evolved since its early days?

    The people who founded CCTC in the early ’70s probably wouldn’t have used the language we use today, but they were clearly responding to a growing awareness that children’s behavior was often rooted in trauma. That early insight has shaped CCTC from the beginning. Over the years, the field has evolved, and so have we. About 18 years ago, we made a major shift by embedding trauma-informed principles into every part of the organization. It changed not only how we treat children, but how we support staff, collaborate with partners, and engage with the community. It became a core philosophy, not just a clinical model.

    That focus has kept us true to our mission. We’re not trying to be all things to all people. We’re a children’s behavioral health agency and everything we do aligns with that purpose. Staying disciplined in that way allows us to build stronger partnerships and deliver deeper impact.

    Today, we serve children from about 18 months through 18 years old, but most of the kids we work with are between three and 13. Roughly 75% are 10 or younger. That’s really where our heart is: early and elementary-age children, because that’s where we can make the greatest difference.

    What’s been the biggest challenge for CCTC over the years?

    One of the biggest challenges has been working within systems that are incredibly complex, whether that’s government, insurance, or even community and political structures. These systems often tend to move toward the least common denominator: keeping things steady, avoiding risk. Innovation doesn’t always get rewarded.

    But CCTC has always been an organization that looks ahead. We’re constantly asking: What’s next? Where do we need to be two, three, four years from now? That kind of thinking sometimes puts us at odds with the larger system, and that can be frustrating. There have been times when we knew an idea would make a real difference, but it took years before the funding or policy landscape caught up.

    A good example is care coordination, or what some call “case management.” We’ve always believed in helping families navigate all the challenges that can prevent them from engaging in treatment: housing instability, food insecurity, lost utilities, lack of transportation. For years, that kind of work wasn’t funded or even recognized as essential. But to us, it was obvious, since if a family’s basic needs aren’t met, therapy alone won’t change much.

    What’s a big goal for CCTC’s future?

    One of our biggest goals is to bring what we do directly into the natural settings where children and families already are. That’s where real access happens: in schools, recreation centers, community programs, and other places that feel familiar and safe.

    When mental health care is part of everyday life, it becomes normalized. We’re already doing some of this, placing parenting groups and educational programs in community settings, to help families better understand the roots of behavioral challenges. Many parents we meet are doing their best, but no one’s ever helped them recognize how their own childhood experiences might still be shaping their parenting today.

    What transformations have you seen in the development of children who have come to CCTC?

    I look at it on two levels: observable outcomes and how a child functions in their life. On the surface, success shows up in things like fewer suspensions or detentions, reduced fights, and improved grades.

    But real success goes beyond behavior. It’s about helping children make sense of what happened to them. Kids who’ve experienced trauma should never simply forget it. They need to learn how to live with it, understand its impact, and gain the skills to respond differently. That helps them manage triggers, regulate emotions, and gain self-awareness.

    What misconceptions about trauma or mental and behavioral health do you most want to challenge?

    There are a few. The first is one that still lingers. The idea that “kids are young, they’ll forget.” That’s just not true. When a child experiences something terrible at four years old and starts acting out at nine, those behaviors are often connected. Ignoring that link does a real disservice to the child.

    The second misconception is about resilience. People sometimes say, “She’s stronger because of what she went through.” Trauma doesn’t make you stronger; protective factors do. Maybe that person had strong family support, stable housing, or a teacher who cared. Those things build resilience, not the trauma itself.

    And the third is about the multigenerational nature of trauma. When harmful behaviors aren’t addressed, they echo through families. A parent who grew up with abuse or neglect might not repeat the same actions, but the emotional patterns of anger, control, and detachment can still carry forward. Recognizing that connection across time, generations, and communities is key to breaking the cycle.

    What is your mantra?

    I try to live by the idea of focusing on what you can actually impact. I stay focused on what makes the biggest difference.

    PHILLY QUICK ROUND

    Favorite Philly food? For Dominican food, I really like Mamajuana in Fishtown and a few spots in North Philly, like El Meson and Barú.

    Sports team you love: I’ve been a Phillies fan my whole life.

    What you wish people knew about those who call Philly home: What I wish people knew about Philadelphians is how much the city has changed over the past 20 years. Many outsiders still see Philly as it was 25-30 years ago, but today it’s far more diverse, not just in food and restaurants, but across neighborhoods.

    Greatest Philadelphian of all time? My pick for greatest Philadelphian of all time is easy: Ben Franklin.

    Favorite thing to do when you have free time in and around Philly: I love exploring new restaurants I haven’t tried yet, especially with friends.

    Lucy Danziger is a journalist, an author, and the former editor-in-chief of Self Magazine, Women’s Sports & Fitness, and The Beet.

  • Letters to the Editor | Nov. 24, 2025

    Letters to the Editor | Nov. 24, 2025

    Unlawful orders

    I went through Army basic training in April 1972 at Fort Dix in New Jersey, which was after My Lai, when American soldiers, following orders, murdered unarmed, helpless women and children and the elderly. Those orders were not lawful, and “just following orders,” as the defendants at Nuremberg said to justify their behavior, was not a valid excuse.

    As soldiers, we were taught that we had a duty to question — and even resist — unlawful and unconstitutional orders. At a time when our service members are following orders to kill unknown people in boats with no due process, and at the same time the military is being used in our cities to intimidate and punish political enemies, there are, and need to be, limits.

    John W. Haigis, Darby

    . . .

    The Nazi war criminals, after World War II, invalidated the so-called Nuremberg defense of “just following orders.” Courts held that following illegal orders is a crime.

    My basic training as an Army officer clearly delineated a spectrum of legal and illegal orders. It was emphasized, in unambiguous terms, that not only is it permissible to disobey illegal orders, it is an unequivocal duty to do so. Officers are particularly obligated to protect their subordinates from illegal orders.

    Orders to commit murder, torture, theft, rape, overthrow the U.S. government, oppress U.S. citizens, violate the Constitution, or conspire with enemies of our nation are illegal and prohibited by the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

    Today, civilian and military leaders ignorant or disdainful of the U.S. military’s constitutional duty are ascendant. American military personnel deserve to be reminded that members of the U.S. armed forces are obligated to conduct themselves in legal ways at all times. Violations of this standard put them at risk for prosecution and punishment.

    Finally, there is no duty of loyalty to any commander, military or civilian. Legal orders must be followed, of course, but U.S. military personnel swear loyalty to the Constitution only. Leaders who confuse or coerce subordinates on this issue violate their oath.

    Mike Shivers, Altoona

    Missed opportunity

    We’ve grown accustomed to the president’s hubris and insulting rhetoric. This was evident again last week when he showed clear disdain toward a female journalist with the dismissive “Quiet, piggy!” comment. While such behavior has, regrettably, come to be expected from him, the lack of response from the surrounding journalists is far more troubling.

    Not one of them defended their colleague or, more forcefully, repeated the question that provoked his outburst. Instead, they simply “moved on” to their own priorities, seemingly focused on maintaining access rather than demonstrating solidarity.

    When journalists turn a blind eye to this kind of misogynistic bullying, they are, in effect, capitulating to the bully. Their silence creates a dangerous precedent: It signals that such conduct is tolerable and carries no immediate professional consequence. This inaction undermines the core mission of the press — to hold power accountable — and normalizes personalized attacks over policy engagement.

    The press corps has a collective duty. Moving forward, fellow journalists must step up to defend “one of their own.” Only a unified, vocal response can reaffirm the dignity of their profession and uphold the standards the public deserves.

    David​ Rendell, Haddon Heights

    Join the conversation: Send letters to letters@inquirer.com. Limit length to 150 words and include home address and day and evening phone number. Letters run in The Inquirer six days a week on the editorial pages and online.

  • Dear Abby | Boy’s paternal family refuses to acknowledge family relation

    DEAR ABBY: I had a child with “Richard,” whom I met 10 years ago. I was married at the time but had been separated from my husband, “Eddy,” for nine months. Richard and I hit it off well; I was very attracted to him. Five months after we met, I accidentally became pregnant. When Richard found out, he bolted. We stayed in contact, and he met our son, “Brady,” twice.

    Eddy and I reunited when Brady was 3, and since Richard was out of the picture, we requested to sever his rights so Eddy could adopt him. Richard didn’t show up, so legally we were able to proceed.

    When we found out Richard had never told his family about Brady, I reached out to them. They want nothing to do with us! They don’t believe my son is a part of their family because rights were severed and they never knew about him, even though I have pictures of Brady and Richard together and Brady knows who he is.

    Eddy and I have now been divorced for four years. I feel terrible for the way my son is being treated. Should I leave them all alone and close that chapter?

    — TANGLED WEB IN ARIZONA

    DEAR TANGLED WEB: Continuing to pursue Richard’s family will get you nowhere. That chapter closed when Richard gave up his parental rights to Brady and Eddy adopted the little boy. Until your son is no longer a minor, Eddy may have a financial responsibility for him. I hope he is acting more responsibly than Brady’s biological father did and that their relationship will continue in spite of the divorce.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: I have been married for almost 40 years. I’m recently retired, in great shape and very active. I hike, bike, walk, play golf and do strength training. My wife will retire soon. She’s 100% sedentary and does none of these activities with me. She has mobility issues that could be corrected with surgery, but she refuses to have the surgery, which means her mobility issues will worsen. She’ll need a caregiver to help her in the not-too-distant future — which will be me.

    This may sound selfish, but I didn’t sign up for this. I feel the enjoyment of my retirement will never happen because she refuses to help herself. Is it wrong for me to think about divorcing her because she takes no responsibility for herself and expects me to take care of her, which will prevent me from enjoying my golden years?

    — END OF MY ROPE IN NEW YORK

    DEAR END: You stated that you “didn’t sign up for this.” Well, nobody does. When you and your wife took your wedding vows, “… in sickness and in health …” this IS what you signed up for. That your wife is so frightened of surgery to correct her issues that she’s refusing to have it is sad for both of you. Perhaps if you tell her what you have written to me, it might motivate her to assume more responsibility for her health. A way to start would be to consult her doctor about a prudent path forward.

  • Horoscopes: Monday, Nov. 24, 2025

    ARIES (March 21-April 19). You’re craving a particular kind of inspiration — the kind that comes from fresh energy and kindred spirits. Follow that pull. Spend time in new places, meet different people, and you’ll naturally find the ones who make you shine brighter.

    TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Life hums at a comfortable pitch due to your many positive relationships. People return your attention in a way that confirms you are on the same page. They see you as you want to be seen.

    GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You feel the impulse to grow. You’re capable of more. There’s a social dimension to this feeling. You’ll be drawn to people who challenge and inspire you, not those who merely reassure or enable you to stay the same.

    CANCER (June 22-July 22). You’ll hear opinions today, some louder than others. You don’t have to respond right away, or at all. Sometimes grace sounds like, “I’m thinking about that.” Sometimes wisdom begins with, “I don’t know yet.”

    LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). The mind and environment constantly mirror one another. When you clear your physical space, you reduce the low-level mental noise that clutter creates. Psychologists call this cognitive load, and you’ll clear it with the cleanup you do today.

    VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Aggressive people want to win, but so do pacifists. They want to win peace. The difference is that aggressive people are only truly satisfied with the win if they’re sure the loser has suffered some. Those types will only bring you heartache.

    LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Speak for your own time, or others will take it up. The requirements of the world are as endless as you let them be. Instead of longing for the free days to do what you want, plan and structure your life so that this can really happen.

    SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You’re working for tomorrow, enjoying it today — that’s living the dream. And all the parts that aren’t enjoyable right now? Those are the parts to note so you can look at them with a more critical eye tomorrow.

    SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Your intuition is strong today. Write down the prediction. It’s a way of honoring your way of sensing the world, and it’s also a gift to future-you. Later, you will read this message and have a visceral reaction such as awe, laughter or relief.

    CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). It’s not like you choose between indulging and overindulging. When the moment and mood arise, the animal inside you takes over — the one who needs comfort or rest or something other than what you’re getting. Stop pushing. Rest and recharge.

    AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Relationship talks are in the works. Feelings are on the line, and no one wants to reject or be rejected. It takes courage to state and hear the truth. Feeling vulnerable and going forward anyway — that’s the heart of love’s work.

    PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You’re drawn to so many different things today that your work may take a meandering path. Don’t judge yourself or invite judgment from others. Follow your curiosity. This will all make sense a little later.

    TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (Nov. 24). Welcome to your Year of Loyal Love. People show you that you can trust them. Relationships grow rich through honest exchange and playfulness. You’ll strengthen bonds at home and open your heart to new allies in the professional realm and the world at large. More highlights: success with a bold pitch, your work adored by the right audience, and celebrations that echo for years. Leo and Scorpio adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 7, 20, 34, 11 and 29.

  • Raiders fire offensive coordinator Chip Kelly after another rough performance

    Raiders fire offensive coordinator Chip Kelly after another rough performance

    LAS VEGAS — Las Vegas Raiders offensive coordinator Chip Kelly was fired Sunday night after yet another rough offensive performance.

    Kelly’s dismissal came less than four hours after the Raiders were beaten 24-10 by Cleveland. Las Vegas allowed the Browns to sack Geno Smith 10 times.

    “I spoke with Chip Kelly earlier this evening and informed him of his release as offensive coordinator of the Raiders,” coach Pete Carroll said in a statement. “I would like to thank Chip for his service and wish him all the best in the future.”

    Kelly was the biggest-name assistant hired by Carroll, who’s in his first year coaching the Raiders after leading the Seattle Seahawks for 14 seasons.

  • Letters to the Editor | Nov. 23, 2025

    Letters to the Editor | Nov. 23, 2025

    Public option

    The recent government shutdown was initiated by a Democratic Party trying to protect the 22 million Affordable Care Act participants from the financial impact of ending government subsidies that would more than double insurance premiums. Conversely, Republicans are intent on sunsetting COVID-era ACA subsidies that cost $30 billion per year. What both parties will acknowledge is that the cost of healthcare coverage continues to accelerate at a rate that is unsustainable.

    When President Barack Obama crafted the ACA, he envisioned a public option. A public option is healthcare provided by the government. That means government hospitals, clinics, doctors, nurses, technicians, and administrators. During the incubation of the ACA, the Obama administration realized a public option was far too controversial to be passed by Congress. So it birthed an insurance-based ACA that would use the existing U.S. healthcare structure. The problem is that medical costs and insurance premiums have far outstripped inflation since the passage of the ACA. The ACA has little control over these costs, and therefore, government subsidies are the only option to mitigate the impact on those among us who are most vulnerable to price increases. We cannot depend on the private sector to control the costs of healthcare. ACA government subsidies are a short-term solution. Donald Trump’s direct payments will do nothing to mitigate healthcare’s accelerating costs. Like it or not, the United States will have to implement a public option to control costs and provide a healthcare safety net. The current course and speed are simply unaffordable and will contribute to bankrupting the country.

    Here’s the good news: We can use the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs healthcare infrastructure as the base on which we can make the public option a reality. The VA currently provides service to over nine million vets at a cost of $68 billion a year. There are over 170 VA medical centers, 1,300 outpatient clinics, and other sites. This is a start. Compare that with ACA subsidies of $138 billion in 2025 before factoring in the average individual annual cost of $7,428 (in 2025). Yes, this is a national health system where the government can control healthcare costs. Yes, this will reduce one’s healthcare choices. Yes, this will be an affordable healthcare safety net alternative to the current unsustainable and unaffordable healthcare system.

    William F. Spang Jr., Philadelphia

    Art of deflection

    After the horrific attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, the Bush administration announced that Saddam Hussein, president of Iraq, had weapons of mass destruction and needed to be removed. Thus, the ensuing Iraq War, the removal of Hussein, the loss of over 100,000 civilian lives, and 4,400 American troops, only to discover there were no such weapons of mass destruction. Further investigation determined George W. Bush had plans to attack Iraq even before the terrorist attacks of 9/11. Why? Iraq contained massive reserves of oil.

    Fast-forward to 2025, and the Trump administration is beating the war drums against Nicolás Maduro and Venezuela. Claiming it is responsible for the flow of fentanyl, the president has launched dozens of airstrikes against supposed drug boat smugglers without evidence or with congressional input. New measures are being planned for possible attacks within Venezuela and perhaps boots on the ground. “I have not ruled out using troops,” Donald Trump recently asserted. Our largest aircraft carrier has been stationed just off the Venezuelan coast. Venezuela happens to have the largest oil reserves in South America. There is scant evidence that Venezuela is involved in drug smuggling, unlike neighboring Colombia and its infamous drug cartels. Why no military actions against it? As the Epstein files near release and flagging poll approval numbers, Trump desperately needs a diversion. Venezuela could be just the ticket. Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. Let’s not be fooled again.

    Angus Love, Narberth

    Join the conversation: Send letters to letters@inquirer.com. Limit length to 150 words and include home address and day and evening phone number. Letters run in The Inquirer six days a week on the editorial pages and online.

  • Dear Abby | Chided boyfriend has nursed a grudge for six years

    DEAR ABBY: My daughter is asking me to apologize to her boyfriend, “Harry,” for yelling at him when I was helping them move six years ago. (I had traveled 250 miles to help.) The day of the move, Harry didn’t take the day off work, so he wasn’t there to help. (They had a second-floor unit with no elevator.) When he finally did show up, he proceeded to slow-walk taking out the recycling stuff.

    At the new place, Harry helped somewhat, but when the food was delivered, rather than continue to help, he decided to sit down and eat while the other two helpers and I continued moving stuff in. (This was 10 hours into the move.) That’s when I lost it. I yelled at him for not helping more. All he had done in his relationship with my daughter was go to work, come home and play video games. He didn’t help around the house or show any interest in helping with their son.

    Over the last few years, Harry has changed somewhat in helping with his son, but my daughter now feels stuck in the middle and wants me to apologize to him for yelling. I have made no disparaging remarks about him since. I even liked some of his posts on Facebook.

    I have gotten over it, but it seems Harry hasn’t. I told my daughter he needs professional help. The last time I visited, he stayed in a hotel for the weekend. My son says it should be an apology going both ways and should come from Harry first. What do you think?

    — FAMILY DILEMMA IN CANADA

    DEAR FAMILY DILEMMA: Face it. Your daughter’s boyfriend is an overgrown child. Count your blessings that she isn’t married to him. Someone has to be an adult, and I am voting for you to fill that role by taking the first step. Hold your nose and apologize to Harry, if only for your daughter’s sake.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: Should parents be allowed to send birthday invitations to school if only select students are the recipients of the invitation? I’m the parent of a (very) special needs pre-K child. Daily, I feel the heartache of her challenges and her desire for connection with others. On the parent FB group, someone recently posted about their daughter’s birthday. It said those who received an invite should text the cell phone number listed for a change of plans. We never received an invite.

    Were we the only ones excluded? If I’m honest, my emotions may be particularly fragile when it comes to my daughter and inclusion. I do think people should be able to invite only their friends. However, it seems to me that discretion on the part of the parent who is hosting would be more polite and kind. Parents should make a point to know their child’s friends’ parents’ contact information. Do you have an opinion?

    — UNINVITED IN THE EAST

    DEAR UNINVITED: I’m with you 100%, speaking for myself as an adult who was once a child who was excluded. For many reasons, parents should make a point of having their child’s friends’ parents’ contact information. That information could be crucial in case of an emergency.

  • Horoscopes: Sunday, Nov. 23, 2025

    ARIES (March 21-April 19). You’ll present answers. As informed and relevant as you are, it’s your humanity that shines through. That you care enough to not only think deeply into a problem but also bring your creativity and warmth to the solution — that’s what reads.

    TAURUS (April 20-May 20). Truth can be medicine. Truth can be ammunition. The difference today will be about timing. Gradual, graceful, patient and aware — that’s the timing of medicine. Shot from a cannon in a moment of defense — that’s the weaponized version.

    GEMINI (May 21-June 21). You’ll witness why context matters, especially in regard to relationships. You’ll choose people for how they jibe with a certain version of you. They may fit your need perfectly for this chapter, and later you can reassess.

    CANCER (June 22-July 22). All work and no play may make “Jack a dull boy,” but why is there this pressure on “Jack” to be exciting? What’s “dull” can also be the push that gives an advantage or a breakthrough. Follow your ambition.

    LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Like your body, your heart is vulnerable to occasional bumps and bruises. When it hurts, it’s OK to say so. And if you don’t, you might hurt more. The attempt to conceal pain makes it more acute. So just let it out.

    VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You understand that your truth isn’t the only truth, and you respect the rights of others, including their right to disagree. Respecting another’s truth doesn’t shrink your own; it deepens it. You grow larger each time you make space for difference.

    LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). There is art in a concept, but until the plan is executed, the concept is not the art. You can’t build it all in a day, but you can take a few steps. Tonight, you’ll notice what people need. You’ll handle an issue before it’s a problem.

    SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Your heart is as full, generous and sensitive as the other more demonstrative people in your midst, but you don’t always show it. You have your reasons for this. Just be sure to express yourself when you feel safe to.

    SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Mothers do it. Spouses do it. Teachers, mentors and lovers do it. they deflate the moment not because they dislike you, but because your sparkle rearranges the power dynamic. You become the sun; they need sunglasses. Make the joke anyway. Do it for you.

    CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). The tension between family members is just a normal part of being human. You will always share something with parents and siblings, for better or worse. They are a part of you. Accepting them for who they are is accepting yourself.

    AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You’re a kind commenter both in the digital and actual world, and that will be highlighted today. Not only are you an astute observer with a knack for relevant contributions, but you also make people think. They’ll be pondering what you’ve said.

    PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). You will consciously invest in a relationship. It’s mostly about giving a certain quality of attention. You’ll communicate with the aim of understanding where a person is coming from and what they need, and in this you will succeed brilliantly.

    TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (Nov. 23). Welcome to your Double Dollar Year. You’re rewarded in many meaningful ways, yet it’s the financial piece that keeps everything else possible. Money funds the space, time and freedom where happiness lives and seamlessly weaves comfort into your experiences. More highlights: the end of a trial; winning at games; group fun that produces very special one-on-one relationships. Pisces and Aries adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 6, 13, 2, 10 and 40.

  • Horoscopes: Saturday, Nov. 22, 2025

    ARIES (March 21-April 19). Life accelerates because you remove what’s unnecessary. Narrow down your options, shorten your lists, lose a few rules. Also, whatever time constraints you can lift will eliminate stress. What if, like the gods, you had all the time in the world?

    TAURUS (April 20-May 20). There’s lots that you could chase, but what’s worth the energy? Maybe you have a bit to burn off today, but it’s still better to invest that energy in something that will pay you back instead of squander it on something shiny and ultimately fruitless.

    GEMINI (May 21-June 21). When you let others assist, you get to observe how they communicate, collaborate and show care. That tells you something about who they are and what kind of relationship you might want with them going forward.

    CANCER (June 22-July 22). Trust discernment over guilt. Sometimes the most loving move is to hire the help instead of rescuing another. Competence is compassion in action. Surround yourself with people who lighten the load, not those who need you to carry theirs.

    LEO (July 23-Aug. 22). Even when you’re deeply connected to someone, you still need your personal space. Today, that balance happens effortlessly. You and the other person will intuitively know when to lean in and when to pull back, without having to talk about it.

    VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22). You don’t need to know where things are going to trust that the road continues. It applies to relationships of all kinds today — professional, personal and existential. Go forward in faith because the world often materializes around your confidence.

    LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You treat all relationships as though you know they are going to be lasting ones. Because even the briefest interactions should feature your integrity. And stay aware of how others interact because the small signals will foreshadow.

    SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 21). Today, choose happiness over hustle. While you normally give your best focus to work and practical responsibilities, it will nourish your spirit and relationships to prioritize emotional fulfillment and connection before anything professional or financial.

    SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21). You’ve had many tests: the test of a small but persistent irritation, the test of a formidable opponent, the test of everything happening at once. You deserve today’s test — the test of what happens when you get the chance to relax.

    CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Protecting your energy is wise. You pour so much into others that you sometimes forget to refill. Stop mid-giving; breathe, receive. Reciprocity is holy; it keeps the current alive. When you’re nourished, your kindness glows.

    AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Opportunity comes around. Make it easy by being in a high-traffic location. Find out the events, places and people opportunity likes to visit and go there. “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” — Milton Berle

    PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20). When things are too easy or open-ended, your mind wanders. But when you’re faced with limits like tight deadlines, limited resources, tough rules or challenging people, you’re forced to focus, invent and discover, which will be a thrill.

    TODAY’S BIRTHDAY (Nov. 22). Welcome to your Year of Brilliant Balance. You’ll perfect the art of work-play harmony. Wellness becomes effortless when you treat your body as an ally, not a project. Your relationships get the tone and amount of focus they need to thrive. More highlights: A creative breakthrough that leads to money, a spiritual practice that restores faith and travel that expands your point of view. Pisces and Capricorn adore you. Your lucky numbers are: 10, 12, 20, 16 and 7.