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  • Offseason eats, arcades, and live music in Asbury Park | Field Trip

    Offseason eats, arcades, and live music in Asbury Park | Field Trip

    Would you believe it if we told you Asbury Park is the same distance from Philly as Sea Isle? For many Philadelphians, the north end of the Shore might as well exist on another planet. Fortunately, the offseason is the perfect time to broaden one’s horizons — so that come summer, you might break out of the tribal nature that governs which sands you plant your umbrella in.

    As one of the larger towns on the coast, with a healthy year-round population, Asbury Park makes an ideal entrée. Things are open in the winter.

    Not everything — but enough to keep you busy for a weekend of city-level food, idiosyncratic shopping, and live music. Start the car.

    Fuel: Hey Peach

    Make your first stop just to the south of Asbury, at Hey Peach in Bradley Beach. This inviting granny-core café-bakery from Erin “Peach” Kilker lines its wooden sideboard and pastry case with holey olive fougasses, crackling croissants, Scottish shortbread, fat cream puffs, and more. If the weather cooperates, grab one of the bistro tables out front and enjoy your pastry (or three) with a Counter Culture coffee.

    📍 126 Main St., Bradley Beach, N.J. 07720

    Stay: Asbury Ocean Club

    It might not be beach weather, but the glittering sea views from the 11-foot windows at Asbury Ocean Club are just as dramatic in winter. The soothing dune-and-khaki suites in this luxurious 54-room high-rise — which opened in 2019 — feel especially indulgent in the offseason. Winter rates hover in the mid-$300s; that same room can top $1,000 on a summer weekend.

    📍 1101 Ocean Ave. N., Asbury Park, N.J. 07712

    Play: Silverball Retro Arcade

    Cosplay your favorite Stranger Things kid (minus the Vecna creepy-crawlies) at Silverball Retro Arcade. Gamer or not, it’s impossible not to light up like the 1992 Addams Family pinball machine when you step inside this clanging, jangling boardwalk fixture. And because it’s not summer, the chances are good you’ll have no trouble finding an empty Skee-Ball lane. (Fun fact: Skee-Ball was invented in Vineland in 1907, with early alleys manufactured in Philly.)

    📍 1000 Ocean Ave. N., Asbury Park, N.J. 07712

    Shop: Asbury Park Bazaar

    Right in the middle of the boardwalk, where you can shop for travel-inspired hoodies at Promised Land Apparel and thrifted art supplies at Asbury Park Art Club, Asbury Park Bazaar pops up through the year inside the Grand Arcade at Convention Hall. More than 50 vendors will fill the space on Valentine’s Day weekend, selling everything from patch-customized beanies and travel-inspired hoodies to candles that melt into massage oil.

    📍 1300 Ocean Ave. N., Unit C-4, Asbury Park, N.J. 07712

    Read: Paranormal Books & Curiosities

    Ghost ships, Victorian murders, haunted houses — in Asbury Park, spooky season never really ends. Paranormal Books & Curiosities anchors the city’s supernatural streak, selling horror novels, spellbooks, and oddities, while also running ghost tours and curating a small paranormal museum. Whether you’re looking for Grady Hendrix, Paul Tremblay, or something to summon the corners, you’ll find it here.

    📍 621 Cookman Ave., Asbury Park, N.J. 07712

    Dine: Judy & Harry’s

    Named for owner Neilly Robinson’s parents, Judy & Harry’s in the St. Laurent Hotel is a two-in-one restaurant and cocktail bar with butterscotch leather barstools, frosted globe lights, and framed family photos. The menu, by Robinson’s partner and James Beard semifinalist David Viana, blends her Italian and Jewish heritage with dishes like limoncello-splashed hamachi crudo, ricotta-matzo ball soup, schmaltzy potatoes, and chicken and eggplant parm. If you’re visiting Asbury on a Sunday, swing in for their $38 Sunday Sauce prix fixe supper.

    📍 408 Seventh Ave., Asbury Park, N.J. 07712

    Jam: The Stone Pony

    What’s the opposite of a sleeper pick? First opened in 1974, Stone Pony is so deeply and inextricably tethered to Asbury Park. Everyone knows it. The bar and venue runs shows every weekend through the offseason, and the variety is pretty astounding: a Dave Matthews tribute band, country singer Hunter Hayes, a student showcase from Red Bank’s School of Rock, bassist and Phish cofounder Mike Gordon. Tourists go. Summer people go. Locals go. You should go.

    📍 913 Ocean Ave. N., Asbury Park, N.J. 07712

  • Dear Abby | Husband is aware of wife’s secretive comings and goings

    DEAR ABBY: My wife of seven years secretly visits her ex-husband on multiple occasions. She visits him with and without his spouse present. However, she forbids me from speaking to or visiting any woman from my past unless she is present.

    My wife suffers from major depression. She’s on medication but refuses to see a counselor. Her family has informed me that she was unfaithful to spouses prior to me. I am faithful to her. The person she visits is a friend she has known for years. Should I look the other way, or am I entitled to be upset about the situation?

    — UPSET IN CONNECTICUT

    DEAR UPSET: You are entitled to be upset. The woman to whom you are married appears to live by a double standard. If you want to spend your life under her thumb and looking the other way while she may or may not cheat on you, I can’t stop you. But the person who should be talking to a counselor is not her. She’s living her life exactly the way she wants. The person who should be receiving counseling is you, because if your marriage were a happy one, you wouldn’t have found it necessary to write to me.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: A friend invited me to his birthday dinner at a popular restaurant. I got him a nice bottle of wine and a small book as a gift. There were 10 people at the table. One person had flown in from Chicago; another from L.A.

    After we’d eaten and were conversing, the birthday boy excused himself. While he was gone, the waiter presented the bill, and it was then made clear that the rest of us were expected to pay for his birthday celebration. Split amongst us, it came to $99 each.

    I put it on my credit card without comment; however, I was taken aback. I would never invite friends and then expect them to pay. I bounced this off a couple of other friends. Both said it was unacceptable behavior. What is your opinion? Am I unaware of this as a social norm?

    — STUNNED IN SAN FRANCISCO

    DEAR STUNNED: If this has become a social norm, I am as unaware as you are. When guests are invited to a celebration, it is the host’s responsibility to treat them UNLESS IT IS UNDERSTOOD WHEN THE INVITATION IS ISSUED THAT EVERYONE WILL BE EXPECTED TO PAY FOR THE MEAL. The next time this person invites you somewhere, make sure to ask whether you will be splitting the bill. That way there will be no surprises.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: I am one of those unfortunate people who has loud, violent sneezes. When I’m at home, it is no problem, but how do I keep them quiet when I’m out or at work? Stifling them hurts my back and stomach muscles.

    — SNEEZY IN NEW YORK

    DEAR SNEEZY: It may not be healthy to stifle a sneeze. Because you know you are prone to this, keep a handkerchief at the ready, which may muffle some of the sound.

  • Dan McQuade, award-winning writer, tireless community activist, and ‘Philadelphia institution,’ has died at 43

    Dan McQuade, award-winning writer, tireless community activist, and ‘Philadelphia institution,’ has died at 43

    Even as a child, Dan McQuade let his imagination run wild. “What are you doing?” his mother, Denise, would ask if she hadn’t heard any noise from his bedroom for a while. “I’m making stories,” he would reply.

    Later, as a young man about town, his compassion for fellow Philadelphians inspired his father, Drew. Dan volunteered to give blood often, donated brand-new sneakers to other guys in need, and continually reached out to people he saw struggling with drug abuse and homelessness. “His kindness was what I loved about him the most,” his father said.

    Dan McQuade was already an award-winning writer, blogger, and journalist when he met his future wife, Jan Cohen, online in 2014. To her, his jovial humor, wide-ranging intelligence, and shoulder-length hair made him unique in her circle. “I thought he was too cool for me,” she said.

    As it turned out, they were all spot on. Mr. McQuade used his quirky creativity to write memorable blogs and freelance stories about culture and sports for The Inquirer, the Daily News, the New York Times, Sports Illustrated, and other publications. He was a cofounder and visual editor at Defector Media and worked previously for Deadspin, Philadelphia Magazine, Philadelphia Weekly, and other outlets.

    His empathy, likely inspired by his parents, his wife said, led him to toil tirelessly for charitable nonprofits such as the Everywhere Project, Back on My Feet, and Prevention Point. “Service was always part of his life,” his wife said.

    His coolness, as unconventional as it sometimes was, made those he encountered feel cool, too. Molly Eichel, an Inquirer editor and longtime friend, said: “He was annoyingly smart and incredibly kind.”

    Dan McQuade died Wednesday, Jan. 28, of neuroendocrine cancer at his parents’ home in Bensalem. He was 43. His birthday was Jan. 27.

    Mr. McQuade’s annual Wildwood T-shirt report was a favorite of his many readers and fans.

    “It’s incredibly hard for me to imagine living in a Philadelphia without Dan McQuade,” said Erica Palan, an Inquirer editor and another of Mr. McQuade’s many longtime friends. “He understood Philadelphians better than anyone because he was one: quirky and funny, competitive and humble, loyal and kind.”

    A journalism star at the University of Pennsylvania in the early 2000s, Mr. McQuade was a writer, sports editor, and columnist for the school’s Daily Pennsylvanian, and managing editor of its 34th Street Magazine. He earned two Keystone Press awards at Penn, was the Daily Pennsylvanian’s editor of the year in 2002, and won the 2003 college sports writing award from the Philadelphia Sportswriters Association.

    He went on to create Philadelphia Weekly’s first blog, “Philadelphia Will Do,” and was a finalist for the Association of Alternative Newsmedia’s best blogger award. He served an internship at the Bucks County Courier Times in Levittown and worked for a while at the Northeast News Gleaner.

    Often irreverent, always inventive, he filed thousands of notable stories about, among other things, the Wildwood T-shirt scene, the origin of “Go Birds,” sneaker sales, Donald Trump, Wawa hoagies, the Philly accent, parkway rest stops, the Gallery mall, soap box derbies, and Super Bowls. His stories sparkled with research and humor.

    An avid reader himself, Mr. McQuade enjoyed reading local tales to his son, Simon.

    “Dan was a truly authentic and engaging person,” Tom Ley, editor-in-chief at Defector, said in an online tribute. “His curiosity was relentless, and his interests were varied and idiosyncratic.”

    For example, Mr. McQuade wrote in Philadelphia Magazine in 2013 that Sylvester Stallone’s famous training-run montage in Rocky II — it started in South Philly and ended two minutes of screen time later atop the Art Museum steps — actually showed city scenes that would have had the actor/boxer run more than 30 miles around town. “Rocky almost did a 50K,” Mr. McQuade wrote. “No wonder he won the rematch against Apollo!”

    In 2014, he wrote in Philadelphia Magazine about comedian Hannibal Buress calling Bill Cosby a rapist onstage at the old Trocadero. The story went viral, and the ensuing publicity spurred more accusations and court cases that eventually sent Cosby to jail for a time.

    When he was 13, Mr. McQuade wrote a letter to the editor of the Daily News that suggested combining the Mummers Parade with Spain’s running of the bulls. Crossing Broad’s Kevin Kinkead said he had “an innate gift for turning the most random things into engaging reads.”

    This story about Mr. McQuade appeared in the Daily News in 2014.

    “Without Dan’s voice, Philly Mag wouldn’t be Philly Mag,” editor and writer Brian Howard said in a tribute on phillymag.com. “And, I’d argue, Philadelphia wouldn’t quite be Philadelphia.”

    Other colleagues called him “a legend,” “a Philadelphia institution,” and “the de facto mayor of Philadelphia” in online tributes. Homages to him were held before recent Flyers and 76ers games.

    “Sometimes,” his wife said, “he inserted himself into stories, so readers had a real sense of who he was because he was so authentic.”

    Daniel Hall McQuade was born Jan. 27, 1983, in Philadelphia. His father worked nights at the Daily News for years, and the two spent many days together when he was young hanging around playgrounds and skipping stones across the creek in Pennypack Park.

    Mr. McQuade (left) and his father, Drew, shared a love of Philly sports and creative writing.

    Later, they texted daily about whatever came to mind and bonded at concerts, Eagles games, and the Penn Relays. He grew up in the Northeast, graduated with honors from Holy Ghost Preparatory School in Bensalem, and earned a bachelor’s degree in English at Penn in 2004.

    He overcame a serious stutter as a teen and played soccer and basketball, and ran cross-country and track at Holy Ghost. He married Jan Cohen in 2019 and they had a son, Simon, in 2023. They live in Wissahickon.

    Mr. McQuade was a voracious reader and an attentive listener. “He never wanted to stop learning,” his wife said. He enjoyed going to 76ers games with his mother and shopping for things, his father said, “they didn’t need.”

    He was mesmerized by malls, the movie Mannequin, the TV series Baywatch, and his wife’s cat, Detective John Munch. During the pandemic, he and his wife binged all 11 seasons of Baywatch.

    Mr. McQuade doted on his wife, Jan, and their son, Simon.

    He could be loud, his mother said, and Molly Eichel described his laugh as “kind of a honk.” His friend and colleague Alli Katz said: “In 50 years I’ll forget my own name. But I’ll remember his laugh.”

    He was a vintage bootleg T-shirt fashionista, and his personal collection numbered around 150. He named Oscar’s Tavern on Sansom Street as his favorite bar in a recent podcast interview and said he would reluctantly pick a pretzel over a cheesesteak if that was the choice.

    Dan McQuade collected over 100 bootleg sports T-shirts and showed them off as art.

    In September, Mr. McQuade wrote about his illness on Defector.com under the headline “My Life With An Uncommon Cancer.” In that story, he said: “Jan has been everything. My son has been a constant inspiration. My parents are two of my best friends, and I talk to them every day. Jan’s parents have been incredible.”

    He also said: “I believe there are no other people on earth with my condition who are in as fortunate a situation. … For the past thousand words you have been reading about a bad break I got, but if only everyone in my position had it this good.”

    Mr. McQuade and his wife, Jan Cohen, married in 2019.

    His wife said: “He was truly the best guy.”

    In addition to his wife, son, and parents, Mr. McQuade is survived by his mother-in-law, Cheryl Cohen, and other relatives.

    Survivors give advice about mourning their loved ones, as told to The Inquirer’s obit writer

    Visitation with the family is to be from 9 to 10 a.m. Thursday, Feb. 5, at St. Martha Parish, 11301 Academy Rd., Philadelphia, Pa. 19154. Mass is to follow from 10 to 11 a.m.

    Donations in his name may be made to the Everywhere Project, 1733 McKean St., Philadelphia, Pa. 19145.

  • Dear Abby | Relatives enter woman’s life after ignoring her for years

    DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old woman with a 21-year-old daughter, “Penny.” I got pregnant at 16 and was very much alone, with little help from those around me. For a variety of reasons, I decided not to involve the father or his family. They knew I was pregnant but chose to remain uninvolved and haven’t helped in any way. I worked hard to build a life for Penny and myself, and I have remained single all this time. Her father has since passed away, but he had several other children, and his parents still live in our same small town.

    I thought my secret (and right to privacy) had been respected, but I recently found out that someone told Penny about her “other family” several years ago. On my daughter’s 21st birthday, her paternal grandma called her and told her she had a birthday gift for her. This “birthday gift” was a paternity test. Come to find out, Grandma is in poor health, and her other granddaughter was her primary caregiver, but the young woman has now moved across the country. I suspect Grandma wants Penny to assume this role.

    Penny is angry with me for not being honest about her history and angry that her grandmother, who has known about her for many years, is choosing to acknowledge a relationship only now. I am furious that they are putting my daughter in this situation. Am I wrong? How can I smooth this over?

    — SECRET’S OUT IN COLORADO

    DEAR SECRET’S OUT: Apologize to Penny for keeping the information about her father from her. Explain that you did it because the story is ugly and you hoped to spare her the pain you experienced as a teenager. Because you live in a small town, it was unrealistic to think that this kind of secret would not come to light one day. That Penny’s grandmother would introduce herself in this way was selfish and cruel, and I hope your daughter will not allow herself to become ensnared.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: I am in multiple online groups (such as academia, work, etc.) that insist on using my full first name. They require my full first name for legal reasons and do not offer an area to input the name I actually use. I know many people have far worse problems, but it gets on my nerves that everyone I interact with calls me by a formal name I have never used.

    Even when I sign my emails and texts with the correct name (which is simply cutting six letters off the end of the formal name), people still call me by my whole name. I have tried emailing, “You can just call me XXX,” but it is often ignored. It really gets under my skin.

    Is there a polite way to correct them, or must I try harder not to care? I have considered changing my name legally, but it is far more trouble than it’s worth.

    — MISNOMER IN CALIFORNIA

    DEAR MISNOMER: Because being called by a name you don’t like bothers you to the extent that you would write about it to me, my advice is to stop grinning and bearing it and MAKE the time to have your name legally changed.

  • Best barbecue in Philadelphia to eat right now

    Best barbecue in Philadelphia to eat right now

    Philly isn’t exactly known for barbecue. But there is a robust scene here, with players, old and new, doing it up right and keeping us full.

    Local barbecue specialists smoke meats for more than a dozen hours to achieve the perfect smoke ring and Texas-trained chefs cook up exciting takes on classic barbecue dishes.

    Here is our guide to the region’s best barbecue.

    Fette Sau

    Fette Sau (German for “Fat Pig”), opened in Fishtown to eager crowds more than a decade ago and has since established itself as a mainstay in the Philly barbecue scene. The shop has three signature barbecue sauces each offering its own tangy, smoky, or spicy flavor to the pink-ringed smoked meats and meat-heavy sandwiches.

    📍1208 Frankford Ave., 📞 215-391-4888, 🌐 fettesauphilly.com, 📷 @fettesauphilly

    Ruth Henri, owner and chef, prepares ribs from the smoker with help from Michael Bradley at Henri’s Hotts BBQ, a roadside barbecue joint in Hammonton, N.J.

    Henri’s Hotts BBQ

    After owner Doug Henri passed away unexpectedly in 2021, his capable wife Ruthie took over the beloved roadside barbecue spot known for slow-smoked meats and homestyle soul food. Not much has changed with the family matriarch at the helm: The brisket — which smokes for 19 hours — is still moist, the St. Louis Style ribs are still cooked until the ribs bend and served fresh (never reheated), and the corn pudding still comes from Henri’s grandmother’s recipe.

    📍1003 E. Black Horse Pike, Hammonton, NJ,📞 609-270-7268, 🌐 henrishottsbarbeque.com, 📷 @henrishottsbbq

    Mike’s BBQ

    Pit master Mike Strauss may have sold his namesake barbecue joint to young gun Daniel Grobman in 2023, but Strauss’ energy still courses through the kitchen thanks to a virtually unchanged menu. The spare ribs, pulled pork, brisket, and crispy pork belly remain fantastic, while the restaurant’s Korean barbecue wings have a hard to replicate smokey-yet-spicy flavor — just asked Herr’s, which made a limited-edition chip inspired by the recipe in 2023.

    📍1703 S. 11th St., 📞 267-831-2040, 🌐 mikesbbqphilly.com, 📷 @mikesbbq_215

    A platter including pork ribs, brisket, and jerk chicken at Big Swerve’s BBQ, located 201 Broadway, Westville, N.J.

    Big Swerve’s BBQ

    Hidden down an alley and around a parking lot in Westville, Gloucester County, is Big Swerve’s, a converted shipping container that churns out oversized platters of brisket and chicken with all the classic Southern fixings. Big Swerve is actually Stephen Clark, a former Free Library of Philadelphia security guard who stands 6′3″ and is fastidious about what powers his smoker ( lump charcoal, oak and cherry wood, never hickory). Big Swerve’s is best known for their brisket-stuffed egg rolls and jerk chicken sliders, plus combos that include three proteins and three sides, more than enough to share.

    📍201 Broadway, Westville, N.J.📞 856-349-7469, 🌐 bigswervesbbq.com, 📷 @bigswervesbbq

    Rick’s Backyard Barbeque & Grill

    Rick Gray opened Rick’s Backyard Barbeque & Grill in Mizpah in the location where beloved Uncle Dewey’s BBQ operated for over two decades. Here, find a smoker as big as a school bus’s hood, plus a menu inspired by the barbecue Gray’s father, Melvin Gray Sr., cooked at backyard family cookouts, a distinctive, and perhaps elusive flavor that he captures with the touch of charcoal that he adds to regulate the heat of his oak logs. Gray’s seasonings are fairly simple, letting the meats and their slow ride through the long brick smoking pits. Try the tender spareribs or opt for the chicken, particularly when it’s taken fresh off the grill. Rick’s is closed for the season through mid-April, but is still taking catering order over the phone should a rib emergency ever strike.

    📍 6931 US-40, Mizpah, NJ, .📞 609-476-4040 🌐 facebook.com/ricksbbqgrill

    The Hickory smoked wings at Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse, located at 7500 State Rd. in Holmesburg.

    Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse

    Sweet Lucy’s Smokehouse in Holmesburg is a reliable barbecue spot with a well-rounded menu of hickory-smoked meats, sandwiches, and sides. Meats like smoked chicken and pulled pork are available in platter, sandwich or just meat form, and smoked wings and baby back ribs round out the menu.

    📍7500 State Rd., .📞 215-333-9663 🌐 sweetlucys.com, 📷 @sweetlucys_bbq

    Brisket, pulled pork, and pork ribs from the Ole Hickory smoker at Zig Zag BBQ in Kensington.

    Zig Zag BBQ

    Owner Matt Lang smokes on a gas-fired Ole Hickory, turning out brisket, pork, turkey, and pork spare ribs, which he sells by the pound and in sandwiches. A rotating assortment of sides such as queso mac, corn pudding, potato salad, and KFC style slaw complement the selection of meats.

    📍2111 E. York St., .📞 267-951-2596 🌐 zigzagbbq.com, 📷 @zigzagbbq

  • ‘Philadelphia’ among newest selections to added to the National Film Registry at the Library of Congress

    ‘Philadelphia’ among newest selections to added to the National Film Registry at the Library of Congress

    It’s hard to go wrong with Denzel Washington, Tom Hanks, and the City of Philadelphia — and the Library of Congress apparently agrees.

    Philadelphia, the Oscar-winning 1993 legal drama that helped bring America’s AIDS crisis into mainstream media, was among 25 films selected Thursday for inclusion in the Library’s National Film Registry for Preservation, based on “cultural, historic or aesthetic importance.”

    “When we preserve films, we preserve American culture for generations to come,” said acting Librarian of Congress Robert R. Newlen, in a statement announcing the selections. “These selections for the National Film Registry show us that films are instrumental in capturing important parts of our nation’s story.”

    Philadelphia — which The Inquirer named the fourth on its list of best Philly movie of all-time — features Hanks as a law partner fired after it becomes known he has AIDS, with Washington as the attorney hired to fight the termination.

    In addition to Philadelphia, Ten Nights in a Barroom — a 1926 film produced by the Colored Players Film Corporation of Philadelphia — was also among the selections.

    A silent film adapted from an 1854 Timothy Shay Arthur novel and subsequent play, the film featured an all-Black cast and represents one of only two surviving films produced by the company.

    Philadelphia and Ten Nights in a Barroom are among several Philly-tied films to be honored by the Library of Congress throughout the years, joining the 1976 Sylvester Stallone film Rocky and 1940’s The Philadelphia Story starring Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn.

    Though the 25 films announced on Thursday span more than a century of filmmaking, several contemporary films earned recognition; 11 of the 25 films selected this year were released in the 1990s or later. That includes seven films released after 2000, including Frida, The Hours, The Incredibles, Christopher Nolan’s Inception, and Wes Anderson’s The Grand Budapest Hotel.

    Here’s a complete list of the 25 films selected for the 2025 National Film Registry:

    • The Tramp and the Dog (1896)
    • The Oath of the Sword (1914)
    • The Maid of McMillan (1916)
    • The Lady (1925)
    • Sparrows (1926)
    • Ten Nights in a Barroom (1926)
    • White Christmas (1954)
    • High Society (1956)
    • Brooklyn Bridge (1981)
    • Say Amen, Somebody (1982)
    • The Thing (1982)
    • The Big Chill (1983)
    • The Karate Kid (1984)
    • Glory (1989)
    • Philadelphia (1993)
    • Before Sunrise (1995)
    • Clueless (1995)
    • The Truman Show (1998)
    • Frida (2002)
    • The Hours (2002)
    • The Incredibles (2004)
    • The Wrecking Crew (2008)
    • Inception (2010)
    • The Loving Story (2011)
    • The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

  • Dear Abby | Husband wants young familly to uproot for a new job

    DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are raising our 7-month-old daughter together, and we generally get along well. I love him very much, but he has a habit that worries me. He’s constantly on the lookout for a new job. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but every couple of months he says he’s bored and wants to work somewhere else. These are decent-paying jobs, but they never pay much more than what he’s earning now. They are also not always located in the same city or even the same state we live in.

    I don’t oppose moving away or moving up, but I don’t want to move clear across the country when the benefit won’t significantly add to what we have now and the relocation creates a burden with moving expenses.

    Recently, my father made an offhand comment during a conversation about a business that offers good pay, benefits, etc. — nearly the same benefits and pay my husband is receiving now. It would require that we move out of state, and I’d have to search for a new job.

    My husband has been at his current job less than a year, and I have been at mine less than six months. We just signed a new lease on our apartment. He wants to break the lease and move. What can I do to convince him that this is not a strategic move for our family at this time?

    — STRESSED-OUT WIFE AND MOM

    DEAR STRESSED-OUT: I don’t recommend breaking your lease and moving at this point because it will damage your credit. I don’t know what your husband’s problem is — whether he has trouble getting along with his co-workers or attention deficit disorder — but things won’t improve until you determine the cause.

    Neither of you has a solid job history. In a few short years, your daughter is going to be in preschool, and you do not want to constantly disrupt her education or socialization. Stay put until a move will be more financially beneficial.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: An elderly couple moved in next door. They once mentioned that they believed mothballs would keep ants away. That’s not all. Every time they open their garage door, we get blasted with the stench. It is so pungent we must retreat inside our house, which is about 80 feet from their property. We can’t open our windows, sit on our deck or do yard work outside until their garage door comes down. I don’t know how they stand it. How can we let them know it’s affecting our quality of life without causing a permanent rift?

    — STUNK OUT IN PENNSYLVANIA

    DEAR STUNK OUT: Contact your local health department to report what you are enduring and to share your concerns. Mothballs are not supposed to be used in the manner you have described. If you live in an area with a homeowner’s association, it also may be able to help. However, if there ISN’T one, you may have to bite the bullet and ask these neighbors to close their garage door more quickly because the scent of mothballs is making you ill.

  • Dear Abby | Woman prefers a wipe-down and dry shaving to a shower

    DEAR ABBY: I am a longtime divorcee and a retiree with grown kids. What is troubling me is I’ve always had an issue with taking a shower and all the oil and dirt flowing down my body. I think it’s gross, so I usually wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I also don’t get in the shower to wash my body. I hate getting out of the shower and feeling cold, or trying to get dressed partially wet.

    When I’ve been in relationships, I force myself to shower or wipe down with hospital-type wipes. (I still wash up this way, just not regularly, and I know it’s gross.) I dry shave my legs and underarms when needed, but this is really an issue for me. I brush my teeth twice a day. I use a light perfume and often get compliments, but I know from reading your advice that seniors lose their sense of smell and I could be ripe.

    I don’t know how to overcome this, and, for obvious reasons, I don’t have a friend I can float this by. I’m healthy and, like everyone, struggle with depression, but I don’t feel it’s bad enough to seek professional help. I’m on a fixed income.

    Just curious as to what your thoughts are on this. It’s been a good six weeks since I’ve had a proper shower, and I find no justification for it other than I don’t enjoy it.

    — UNSHOWERED IN ILLINOIS

    DEAR UNSHOWERED: If I thought your quirk could be solved as easily as buying a portable heater for your bathroom, I would suggest it. You state that you suffer from depression “like everyone else.” From the mail I receive, people do have problems interacting with interpersonal relationships, workplace issues, etc., but they do NOT “all” suffer from depression.

    Although you live on a fixed income, you could benefit from discussing your issue with a licensed psychotherapist. Help is available on a sliding financial scale through your county’s department of mental health or your local university with a department of psychology. While medication might help you overcome your depression, getting to the root of your shower avoidance will likely happen once you start talking.

    ** ** **

    DEAR ABBY: My question is about dating among older adults. I have been on a dating website for a while now. Most of the profiles are fake. I finally encountered a legitimate profile of a nice-looking man, and we are now talking. After one week, we are finally going to meet for dinner. I’m thrilled, but he stated that he has “baggage.” When I asked him what kind, he replied, “It’s physical.” What does that MEAN?

    We have discussed being intimate and, at our age, we are no longer virgins. I intend to go on the date and be gracious and kind, but I am more than a little confused. What are your thoughts? I thought we clicked or I wouldn’t be going on a date with him. What did I miss?

    — PERPLEXED IN FLORIDA

    DEAR PERPLEXED: The nice-looking man who has made a date with you could have been alluding to any number of physical problems. He might be missing a limb or need assistance getting around, or he may be impotent. Because he didn’t give you the laundry list he included in his “baggage,” you are just going to have to find out for yourself and take this a step at a time.

  • Yes, there are bats in her Berks County home — and she’s trying to save them all

    Yes, there are bats in her Berks County home — and she’s trying to save them all

    Stephanie Stronsick has bats in her Berks County house. On purpose.

    “Aw, look at her little face,” Stronsick said about an injured brown bat her husband was holding on a recent winter afternoon.

    Stephanie Stronsick is the founder of PA Bat Rescue in Berks County.

    Stronsick, 42, is the founder and executive director of Pennsylvania Bat Conservation and Rehabilitation (PA Bat Rescue), a nonprofit that underwent a major overhaul last year.

    She’d like the bats to leave, ideally, but only after they’ve healed. Currently, the facility is treating over 100 bats for injuries and illness. Some were struck by wind turbines or bonked their heads on tall urban buildings that don’t turn off their lights at night. Others were torn up by outdoor cats or birds of prey.

    Some big fruit bats, which look like puppies, were hanging upside down in one room. They used to live at the Akron Zoo.

    Like the other bats in Stronsick’s house, they were asleep.

    “They’re all retired,” she said.

    Many of Stronsick’s bats are being treated for white-nose syndrome, a fungal disease that has killed millions of bats in North America. In Pennsylvania, it’s estimated that 99% of cave-dwelling bats have been affected by the fungus during hibernation.

    “We’ve lost so many bats that we’re at a point where if we don’t do something, they’re going to be gone,” Stronsick said. “In my lifetime, we are looking at the extinction of two species that occur in Pennsylvania: the Northern long-eared bat and the tricolored bat.”

    Northern long-eared bat. (Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources via AP, File)

    Bats get a bad rap, Stronsick said, thanks to horror tropes, rabies fears, and the overhyped interest in vampire bats. Only three of the approximately 1,500 bat species drink blood, and they’re in Central and South America.

    “I think all bats are adorable,” she said.

    If the general public doesn’t see that, they should at least understand that the flying mammals are biologically fascinating, contribute to healthy ecosystems, and help scientists.

    “If it wasn’t for bats, the military wouldn’t have radar, and anticoagulants that vampire bats use have been studied to treat blood clots and stroke,” said Greg Turner, a mammalogist with the Pennsylvania Game Commission.

    Bats, Turner said, are also highly resistant to cancer.

    In Pennsylvania, bats are insectivores, Turner said, and they eat nothing but flying insects at night. He said studies have shown that bats in Pennsylvania save farmers $74 per acre, by eating moths that would otherwise produce crop-eating caterpillars.

    “They also eat mosquitoes,” he said.

    Elsewhere in the world, bats help pollinate cacti and agave.

    “A lot of people should be happy bats are out there performing every night,” Turner said. “No bats, no tequila. No margaritas.”

    Aside from the fungus, Stronsick said bats face serious dangers similar to birds: predation from feral and outdoor cats and building strikes.

    “Bats do not recognize cats as a predator. If people have cats outdoors, they absolutely should not be feeding birds in the same area, and they should not have a bat house anywhere near there either,” she said. “If you do that, you’re inviting these animals to die. ”

    Stronsick said the light pollution from large cities, combined with a bat’s ability to echolocate, makes window strikes common.

    “When they hit something hard, they do a lot of damage,” she said. “Cityscapes are not good environments for bats.”

    Turner said wind turbines, which dot the landscape in mountainous regions of Pennsylvania, are bat killers. Bats do not constantly echolocate, he said — that would be like screaming, nonstop — and when they’re not echolocating, they’re susceptible to the turbines.

    “It’s estimated that 25 bats are killed per turbine per year, and we have hundreds of turbines in the state,” Turner said.

    PA Bat Rescue takes in bats, year-round.

    Stronsick said she grew up outdoors, seeing bats at her grandmother’s home and playing with salamanders. She’s worked with raptors and shore birds in California and stumbled upon bats.

    “They were so different from what I imagined,” she said. “I left shore birds and birds of prey and started working with bats.”

    Now she has some bat tattoos.

    Stronsick’s facility, which is attached to her home, underwent a major investment in May. She accepts both donations and grants, which are hard to come by, she said.

    PA Bat Rescue takes in bats, year-round, for treatment and injury rehabilitation.

    Since 2018, PA Bat Rescue has rehabilitated 2,000 bats. Unlike most animal rehabilitation centers, hers is as quiet as a church.

    “Bats prefer silence,” she said. “The fruit bats can get a little noisy when they wake up.”

  • Fourth base or football? The story behind the viral naughty bears outside a Southwest Philly strip club.

    Fourth base or football? The story behind the viral naughty bears outside a Southwest Philly strip club.

    “Am I being pranked?”

    That’s what Gloucester County resident Gabby Weiland recalled thinking after she made a wrong turn while Doordashing in Southwest Philly earlier this month. Instead of finding a customer waiting on the curb for her lunch, Weiland found herself outside of Sin City Cabaret Nightclub at 6130 Passyunk Avenue. One 8-foot-tall topiary Care Bear bending over another greeted her.

    “Got lost in Philly and pulled over to see where I was … looked up and —,” Weiland captioned a TikTok that pans from the fourth-base bears back to her face, which appears equal parts mortified and confused. The 12-second clip has racked up more than 1.4 million views — and its fair share of jokes.

    @healinwithgab

    What

    ♬ original sound – Life with Gab🌜🪬

    “What in the bear necessities?” commented one TikTok user. “They…they’re…playing leapfrog…RIGHT???” wrote another. Others assured Weiland not to worry because the bears are clearly in a committed situationship.

    Many, however, knew where the bears were. “Oh, you found Sin City,” read a comment that’s been liked more than 8,600 times. According to strip club owner Gus Drakopoulos, that means the topiaries are working.

    “If someone does a double take and posts a video or selfie, then the art did it’s job,” said Drakopoulos, 49, who had the topiaries installed in 2021. “I want images of those bears to be synonymous with the brand Sin City.”

    Drakopoulos opened the original Sin City in the Mott Haven section of the Bronx in 2002 at age of 25 after a securities fraud conviction sidelined his career as a stockbroker. Almost immediately, the club earned a star-studded reputation: Rapper Cardi B was discovered while performing there, and celebs ranging from Mike Tyson to Philly’s own Meek Mill were regulars.

    Sin City owner Gus Drakopoulos poses in front of the 8-foot-tall bear topiaries that sit in front of his nightclub. The bears cost $18,000, Drakopoulos said.

    Drakopoulos was forced to close the OG Sin City for good in 2018 after the club lost its liquor license. He relocated it to Philly in 2020 just before the COVID-19 pandemic. The bears came a year later in November 2021, Drakopoulos said, as a way to signal to patrons that Sin City is a more artful, avant-garde gentleman’s club experience.

    “The bears are playful and open for interpretation,” he said. “You can say they’re playing football. Go Birds.”

    For some good-time bears, pay $18,000

    Sin City’s bear bushes are, surprisingly, not the only ones in existence. They’re inspired by a series of topiaries that line the Moxy Hotel’s rooftop bar in New York City, where patrons can ogle bears in a variety of X-rated positions, few of which could be confused for football.

    “I fell in love with the idea,” Drakopoulos said. “The bears look so innocent and at the same time, depending on the eye of the beholder, so not.”

    Both sets of bears are designed by celebrity topiary artist Joe Kyte, whose 2-acre topiary garden in Tellico Plains, Tenn., has churned out larger-than-life dragons, Formula 1 cars, and semi-realistic bottles of booze for clients ranging from Legoland and Ferrari to Absolut Vodka since 1992.

    Kyte got his start working as a subcontractor for Disney parks in the 1980s, he previously told The Wall Street Journal, fashioning hippos and various versions of Mickey Mouse out of materials ranging from ivy to moss. He told The Inquirer that his clients have only gotten raunchier. In 2020, Kyte was commissioned by a Dutch adult magazine to create a photorealistic vagina out of hydrangeas, rosemary, and mullein leaf for a launch party in Holland.

    Drakopoulos, Kyte said, was the first strip club owner to ever contact him. It was an immediate yes, he said.

    “This is the first time a strip club has paid me. Normally it’s the other way around,” Kyte, 67, joked over the phone.

    Drakopoulos paid $18,000 for two bears, which Kyte took two weeks to construct by arranging weather-resistant artificial boxwood atop custom-made metal frames. To finish the job, Kyte and an employee had to drive to 687 miles to Philly to install the bears, at one point getting stuck for hours in standstill traffic on I-81 in Virginia. Bored drivers, Kyte recalled, couldn’t stop taking photos.

    “It’s wonderful that the bears are standing the test of time … Wouldn’t you be proud of them?” said Kyte, who is planning another trip to Philly to do maintenance on the Sin City bears later this winter. The sun’s UV rays have bleached parts of the deep-green topiaries.

    Another angle of the bear topiaries outside of Sin City Cabaret Nightclub on Passyunk Avenue. “The bears are playful, and open for interpretation,” owner Gus Drakopoulos said.

    It’s unclear if the bears have lead to more business for the club, Drakopoulos said, which has a roster of roughly 500 dancers. In 2022, rapper and Super Bowl LIX halftime performer Bad Bunny dropped $50K at Sin City hours before his Made in America performance. It’s not uncommon for some of the Eagles roster to come through, Drakopoulos said, though he declined to name specific players out of respect for their privacy.

    Weiland, whose video went viral, was unaware initially that the bears belonged to a strip club. She’s never been to one, though Sin City may wind up being her first.

    “Apparently, they have good food,” Weiland said. “And it looked like a very well taken care of place.”