I have invited two Inquirer journalists who I knew could answer this week’s question — Sam Ruland, who has gone to Clearwater for Phillies spring training and frequents the Shore, and Amy S. Rosenberg, a Shore resident and The Inquirer’s Shore correspondent.
Have a question of your own? Or an opinion? Email me.
Evan Weiss, Deputy Features Editor
This week’s question is:
What’s a better vacation: a week at the Jersey Shore or spring training in Clearwater?
Amy S. Rosenberg, Life & Culture Reporter
I’d say if you’re talking about February or March, definitely opt for spring training. We’ve got almost nothing for you down here.
I‘m always really envious of people who go to spring training. Do people envy me for living at the Shore? Maybe. Maybe not.
So maybe it’s easier for me to say definitely take that spring training trip! Then in the summer take day trips to free beaches (Atlantic City, Strathmere, Wildwood) and sit there with the games on audio. That’s just a lovely day at the beach.
Sam Ruland, Features Planning and Coverage Editor
I went to Phillies spring training in Clearwater in 2023, splitting a house Airbnb with friends, doing the full baseball-all-day, casual-night-out routine.
Clearwater felt special because it was a treat: a few days of baseball optimism, warm weather when Philly is still miserable, and no expectations beyond watching baseball and drinking beer.
I think both of these experiences are so different though! Spring training wouldn’t fill the void of missing a week down the Shore in the summer. Spring training is spring break!
Amy S. Rosenberg
Which is more expensive?
Sam Ruland
Depending on when you book flights, it can be cheap. But if you don’t plan far enough out, you can easily end up dropping close to $1,000 on airfare … to Florida. Which feels wrong.
Amy S. Rosenberg
I would have guessed the Shore would be the more expensive. I really miss the old minor league Atlantic City Surf that played on Albany Avenue at the Surf Stadium, a lot of times with fireworks, and their own mascot, Splash. You didn’t need to leave the Shore to have the full experience, especially for little ones. Mitch Williams was the coach one year.
I typically spend about $38 each way to get to Florida from Atlantic City, just saying.
Sam Ruland
WOW!
Amy S. Rosenberg
(Don’t tell anyone about ACY, the world’s greatest airport.)
Sam Ruland
We spent about $200 on roundtrip flights. But when we considered going last year the prices were wayyyy higher.
Amy S. Rosenberg
As someone who’s a Philly sports fan, though transplanted, I sometimes find it hard to get into the teams in the early season, so for me, going to spring training would be a great way to guarantee a full season immersion, which sounds heavenly.
But if you’re stuck up north, and into basketball, Atlantic City hosts the MAAC 10 tournament, which is a great lead-up to March Madness. A lot of times, the teams that win are sleeper upsets in the main tournament, like St. Peter’s Peacocks. Atlantic City people had a head start on that.
Sam Ruland
I think the Shore is probably more money for a full week — no question. But for some reason, it also feels like you get more out of it. And I say that as someone who loves the Phillies deeply and does not enjoy admitting this.
Amy S. Rosenberg
When you’re down in Clearwater, do you get any beach time? Is there even a beach in Clearwater?
(I’m not really a west coast Florida person.)
Sam Ruland
Yes, there are beaches, but for us the days revolved around games and schedules. The beach was there in theory; spring training energy very much took over in practice.
Amy S. Rosenberg
I feel like spring training vacation is something you should do but not every year maybe.
Evan Weiss
Yeah, I think if it’s something you’ve always wanted to do … go for it. Then go down the Shore next year.
Sam Ruland
Agreed! Spring training is a great trip — but the people who go every year usually don’t have to choose. For friends or couples, Clearwater is perfect. For families, the Shore just makes more sense, even if it costs more.
Amy S. Rosenberg
I think it would be an awfully long summer without that trip down the Shore.
Sam Ruland
I mean Jersey Shore in March vs. Clearwater in March, I think yes, Clearwater. You’re not going to Shore that early!
Amy S. Rosenberg
Yeah, March is kind of bleak. Lots of contractors building very expensive homes on land where cute bungalows used to be. I am surprised to see my summer neighbors showing up on long winter weekends though.
Evan Weiss
So if it’s spring training vs. peak summer down the Shore, do you both side with the Shore?
Sam Ruland
Peak summer Jersey Shore, 1,000%. No hesitation. Hoagies on the beach, Shore showers, no shower happy hours, ice cream every night, boardwalk walks for no reason. That’s unbeatable. But in March, being in Clearwater with the Fightins just feels right.
(But one over the other, I think I have to choose Shore.)
Amy S. Rosenberg
I think it’s OK to take a summer off and go to spring training, especially if people in the traveling group are into it. You won’t be banned from the Shore. There are weekends and free beaches and ways to do it without breaking the bank. And if the Phillies go deep in the post-season you can join the locals on the beach with the twilight games on, order a pizza, and you’ll feel like the beach is a South Philly street where everybody’s on their steps listening.
(Just bring a sweatshirt.)
This conversation has been edited andcondensed for length and clarity.
You don’t necessarily need to root for another team … but it’s perfectly acceptable to root for certain teams to lose more than others. Post-Eagles playoff fandom is less about loyalty and more about spite management.
You’re no longer picking a champion; you’re ranking villains.
Dugan Arnett, Life & Culture Reporter
I believe that Philadelphians should be free to root for any of the NFL’s remaining playoff teams. Except the Patriots, obviously. No one should ever root for the Patriots.
Tommy Rowan, Programming Editor
At this point, you’re rooting for fan bases. So I’m rooting for Bills fans. As a fan base, they’ve been through it. Despite an unprecedented four straight Super Bowl appearances in the early 1990s, they have zero championship wins to show for it.
And there are some similarities between Buffalo fans and Philly fans. Our friends from up north routinely throw each other through card tables at game day tailgates like WWE wrestlers. The two fan bases could honestly be cousins. Real long-suffering Northeast football fans recognize real. So, Go Bills. … Until the playoffs are over.
Amy Rosenberg, Life & Culture Reporter
This is when being a transplant has its advantages. Buried ancestral loyalties can now resurface. My dad loved the Bills dating back to the Marv Levy era. I’ve always loved the Rams? Feels OK to go with the Bills. (Getting some Bills consensus here.) Anything remotely Boston, New England, or Dallas is obviously off-limits. Chicago could be a late pivot to root for. Birds, Bills, Bears.
Matt Mullin, Senior Sports Editor for Digital Strategy
Unsurprisingly, I have a lot of thoughts on this. Sorry! Like Biggie said, there are rules to this game, so I wrote you a manual. And these can be applied to almost any season — or any sport.
You absolutely cannot root for the team that eliminated you, so the 49ers are out. But! If they win it all, you’re allowed to say the Eagles basically finished second.
You can’t root for any NFC East teams — luckily that’s not a concern this year — or any teams that beat you during the regular season. Goodbye, Denver and Chicago.
In fact, you shouldn’t really root for any NFC team, since you’ve likely beefed with them all at one point. But if you must, pick one of the teams you beat. At least that way you’ll be able to convince yourself the Eagles were actually the better team. Would the Rams, who the Eagles beat in the regular season and last postseason and don’t really have a fan base to rub it in, making the Super Bowl be the worst? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean you have to support them.
You should also try to avoid rooting for the top seeds, since Philly loves an underdog. We’ve already eliminated the Broncos, but so long, Seattle.
That leaves three AFC teams. Again, any team that beat you this year is automatically out. So are the Patriots. You never root for the Patriots.
In five simple steps, we’ve now boiled it down to just two acceptable teams: the Bills and Texans. We’ll give the Bills the nod here since their fan base and Eagles fans seem to have a lot in common — even though their coach tried to kill the Tush Push over safety but still uses it regularly.
Sam Ruland
I think my ideal Super Bowl here would be Bills vs. Bears. Because the Bills have a good fan base, fun, loyal (all the things we said). And I have no negative thoughts on the Bears fan base either. Also, never forget Jason Kelce tailgating with the Bills Mafia. That’s gotta count for something.
Is it worth it to risk part of your community for love? I invited two Inquirer staffers — one runner, and a running hater who likes drama —to help answer the question.
Have a question of your own? Or an opinion? Email me.
Evan Weiss, Deputy Features Editor
This week’s question is…
I’m in a run club, which I love because it’s chill. But, there’s another runner I want to date. Do I risk my stress-free run club for a relationship that might not work out?
Bedatri D. Choudhury, Arts & Entertainment Editor (hobby runner)
I am a hobby runner but was in a run club once, let’s go!
Beatrice Forman, Food and Dining Reporter (running hater)
Did you ever hit on anyone in your run club, Bedatri? Or get hit on?
Bedatri D. Choudhury
I joined a run club because I was new to the country and read somewhere that it’s a great place to socialize. That or Equinox. I couldn’t afford Equinox.
It’s a group of fit people sweating together. I don’t think it graduated to hitting on, but there was definitely some scoping out.
Beatrice Forman
I actually went to one of those run clubs for singles last year for a story that never saw the light of day and got hit on twice! And even then, it felt a little out of place to me given that it’s hard to banter while jogging.
Bedatri D. Choudhury
Take it outside the club. Get their number, text, etc.
Should someone do it? I’d lean toward yes, go ahead and date.
Beatrice Forman
That makes sense, though I guess I wonder what happens after.
If you make a move and it doesn’t work out, or you date and it also doesn’t work out, do you keep showing up? Who gets custody of the run club?
Bedatri D. Choudhury
A run club is low stakes. I know a couple that are not breaking up formally because they share a couples-only rate for a Life Time gym membership.
Beatrice Forman
I would tolerate so much for a discounted Life Time membership.
I did have a friend who hooked up with too many people in her run club that she was asked to leave, actually. And another who broke up with a fellow runner and then left because she had to watch them flirt with other runners.
So your mileage literally does vary.
Bedatri D. Choudhury
I just think it’s about not dragging others into your drama. If it’s not working out makes you incapable of seeing this person again, just opt out of the run club. Better still, start one of your own.
But hey, if it works out then it’s a whole world of possibilities.
Beatrice Forman
I’m definitely in the shoot-your-shot camp, but she needs to be mindful of how she makes her move.
I know a lot of people are turned off by the idea of mixing running and romance (source: I read an article about this), so I would hate for her to put herself out there — which is good — and then get shunned because she didn’t respect the vibes of the club.
Bedatri D. Choudhury
I am totally in the shoot-your-shot tent too, but if this club is very important to her, she should also be mindful if the date doesn’t go well.
Beatrice Forman
Yes! I personally would never risk having to give up a space or hobby that matters to me over a partnership gone south. There’s more to life than literally running toward a relationship, so it’s really up to her if she likes the person enough to see it through.
Bedatri D. Choudhury
Yeah my parents met at work and kept working together for 40-something years. Go get an acai bowl and talk about your favorite color. Like a wise man once said, “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your [running] shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
Beatrice Forman
Is that wise man Dr. Seuss?
Bedatri D. Choudhury
Yes.
Beatrice Forman
I vote that she discreetly asks for their number while they do quad stretches or whatever it is that you’re supposed to do to warm up.
Bedatri D. Choudhury
Then if the club throws you out, you can run together.
I opened this question up to a wider team because I knew there would be many different takes. What do you think? Email me.
Ariane Datil, Social Video Host
Pick a new resolution, sir.
Ellen Dunkel, Programming Editor
It might not be possible, but it helps not to care. Or to be a fair-weather fan. I am completely disinterested, except in a journalism way (and wanting my friends to be happy). But I enjoy when they win the big game. If they don’t, I move on immediately. It’s very relaxing to not care.
Caryn Shaffer, Senior SEO Editor
The most helpful piece of advice about loss I’ve received this year is to focus on what you DO have. Sure, the Eagles lost a game, and it sucks not to have that win. But do you have friends you watched the game with, and can commiserate with? A partner and family who love you? Your health, a roof over your head, and food on the table?
When you’re feeling sad about a loss, reach out to someone you care about, go for a walk outside, get a little treat to cheer you up, or do another activity you enjoy.
Zoe Greenberg, Features Reporter
Be like me and be a fan who only jumps on the bandwagon when the team is winning. Then your day is never ruined, only made.
Hira Qureshi, Food and Dining Reporter
Like Zoe, I only become a fan when they are winning, lol.
Matt Mullin, Senior Editor for Digital Strategy and Audience Development for Sports
When teams are winning, the expectation is that it’ll stay that way forever, so the losses, especially season-ending ones, are unexpected and crushing. That’s the biggest problem with jumping on the bandwagon — it’s when the losses hurt the most.
My advice is a combination of exposure therapy and resetting expectations.
First, if you hide from defeat, of course it’s going to sting that much more when it finally arrives. All those losses, they become a part of you, they callus over, and the next time they don’t hurt as bad.
Second — and all the losses should help with this — the lower you’re able to set your expectations, the less likely you are to be disappointed after a defeat and the more jubilant you’ll be after a win.
When it comes to Philly sports, as is the case with most things in life, expectations can dictate your level of happiness, or in this case sadness, so set them low. Is that a miserable existence? Perhaps, but it’s the life of a Philly sports fan — and might explain why we party so hard after wins.
Abigail Covington, Life & Culture Reporter
Just remember it could be worse: You could be a Carolina Panthers fan.
I make it my mission to always be eating something delicious when I’m watching a stressful sports game. So if they lose … at least I had a good meal.
Kate Dailey, Managing Editor, Features
I have decided that I’m only a regular-season baseball fan, because I love how slow, meditative, and calming baseball is. Baseball on the radio while you wash the dishes? Beats a spa weekend.
I realized this year that the pressure of the playoffs ruined what I liked best about baseball, so I just decided to tune out. Figure out what you like best about the sport and double down on that, at the expense of the parts you don’t. Unless what you like best is victory. In that case, I can’t help you.
Dan DeLuca, Arts and Entertainment Reporter
You’re not a true Philly sports fan until you’ve suffered. You have to give yourself over to the suffering. That’s what makes the good times good. I personally suffer more when the Phillies and Sixers lose than I do when the Eagles do. That might be my way of rebelling against the dominant culture.
Also the advice I often give myself (but don’t always follow) is it’s better to go to the show than go to the game. Because the show will reward you probably 90% of the time, and your batting average at the game will be much lower.
You may have received some gifts recently that you do not love. It happens! I invited two Inquirer staffers to help figure out what to do when it does.
Have your own thoughts or other questions? Fill in the box at the end!
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Evan Weiss
Deputy Features Editor
The question is… My mother-in-law gifted me an ugly Eagles table runner. Do I have to keep it?
Zoe Greenberg
Life & Culture Reporter
My immediate response is …. absolutely not.
Astrid Rodrigues
Senior Video Editor and Producer
I'd say be polite and say "thank you." And then do what you'd like with it.
Zoe Greenberg
I did ask my little sister, who is perhaps more polite than me, and she said put it out once and then never again.
Zoe Greenberg
Which, to me, seems like a burden.
Astrid Rodrigues
I don't think I'd put it out necessarily. I'd probably keep it stored away in a closet though.
Astrid Rodrigues
You never know when you might need an Eagles table runner?
Astrid Rodrigues
Maybe your kid one day will want an Eagles-themed birthday party.
Zoe Greenberg
To be honest, I would put it on the street immediately.
Evan Weiss
You're not afraid the mother-in-law would come over some Sunday and ask where it is?
Zoe Greenberg
I don't like bad gifts. I like to just give them away. But it probably would bite me in the butt.
Zoe Greenberg
Thankfully my mother-in-law has much better aesthetics than me and would never do this (shout out to Kera).
Evan Weiss
Astrid, would you also like to put in a disclosure about your mother-in-law?
Astrid Rodrigues
My MIL has good taste and she actually loves to give gifts for any occasion.
Zoe Greenberg
We can't be getting in trouble with our mother-in-laws here.
Astrid Rodrigues
My MIL is thankfully not the type of person to ask where something is though.
Astrid Rodrigues
That’s a bridge too far!
Zoe Greenberg
That would be insane.
Evan Weiss
Okay, if the question asker takes Zoe's advice and puts it on the street… what should they say if asked about it at a later date?
Astrid Rodrigues
Lie.
Zoe Greenberg
"It must be around here somewhere!"
Zoe Greenberg
And then make the gestures of searching.
Astrid Rodrigues
I'm half-kidding. Honestly, it depends on your relationship with your mother-in-law.
Astrid Rodrigues
I've told mine that I didn't really need the gift or have one already.
Zoe Greenberg
Oh. I would not do that.
Zoe Greenberg
But I feel like in this city someone might love to find an ugly Eagles table runner on the street, so it's like a beautiful gift you're passing along.
Evan Weiss
Your advice went from "I hate it, give it away" to "I'm being generous to my fair city."
Astrid Rodrigues
Both can be true.
Zoe Greenberg
You can get rid of the trash and feel virtuous simultaneously.
Zoe Greenberg
I mean, I'm not saying sell it at a markup on Facebook or something!
Evan Weiss
Fair!
Evan Weiss
Any last advice for the question asker?
Astrid Rodrigues
Whether you keep it or not, just say "thank you" and hope it doesn't come up again.
Zoe Greenberg
I wonder if there's a way to redirect the gift giver for future gifts, without having to say anything.
Astrid Rodrigues
Maybe say, "Oh I'm a Cowboys fan now!"
This conversation has been edited for length. Illustration by Steve Madden.
What other Very Philly Questions should we address?
Tomorrow is the first day of winter, but the snow has already started. I invited two Inquirer staffers who have to shovel their sidewalks to answer the seasonal issue.
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Evan Weiss
Deputy Features Editor
The question is…
I usually shovel beyond my own sidewalk, but my younger neighbor only does his patch. Am I expecting too much from him?
Tommy Rowan
Programming Editor
It depends on the type of youngin' we're talking about. If they have a Doordash order on their stoop after it already snowed 4 inches and it's still coming down, then yes, you're expecting too much.
Sam Ruland
Features Planning and Coverage Editor
Yeah, that’s exactly it. I still feel like a jerk if I only shovel my own sidewalk, that’s just how I was raised. But I also know that’s not the default anymore. Some people are strictly “my patch is clear, my work here is done,” and apparently that’s acceptable now.
Sam Ruland
I just can’t stop at the property line without feeling weird about it… especially when I live on a block where neighbors will bring your trash cans back to your house if they get to them first.
Tommy Rowan
Yeah and if there are elderly people on your block, that should just be automatic. You know, we're trying to live in a society!
Sam Ruland
Once elderly neighbors are involved, pretending you didn’t notice becomes embarrassing.
Evan Weiss
Maybe your neighbor was in a rush one time or their back hurt, but if you know they're physically capable and they always stop at the border… that's being a bad neighbor.
Sam Ruland
Totally. One time, fine. Life happens. But if you’re physically capable and it’s every storm, people notice. And once it becomes a habit, I’m gonna feel a lot less bad about moving your cone and parking in your spot when the snow melts.
Tommy Rowan
I was one of those kids who would grab their plastic shovels during snowstorms and go around with a few buddies to knock on doors and offer our shoveling services for a few dollars. Then we'd get pizza and a few cool, refreshing glasses of Mountain Dew.
Tommy Rowan
I may sound old, but I don't see those kids around anymore.
Sam Ruland
What REALLY gets me is watching the single mom on my block out there shoveling by herself while her three sons are completely MIA. I don’t know about you, but that would not have stood in my house. And Philly notices stuff like that.
Tommy Rowan
Yeah, that ain't right.
Sam Ruland
My dad had three daughters, and if he was home, he took the lead on shoveling. And if he was at work? There was no way my mom (with her forever aching back) was going to be out there alone.
Tommy Rowan
Yeah and if a neighbor saw your mom or you doing it alone they would have yelled at you for not asking for help!
Sam Ruland
That public scolding was mortifying and honestly enough to shape my entire personality. Which is basically how I operate now. I don’t want to shovel. I hate it. But I’d rather suffer for 20 minutes than be silently judged by my neighbors all winter. I don’t shovel because I love it. I shovel because I fear the block.
Evan Weiss
Okay, if a few kids knock on your door asking for money to shovel, how much do you give them?
Tommy Rowan
Depends on the size of the property.
Sam Ruland
I want to say $5.
Evan Weiss
Yeah, $5 seems fair for a rowhouse.
Tommy Rowan
And $10 for a rowhouse if they also dig out the car. If we're talking a Northeast house, with a full driveway, sidewalk, and steps, that's at least $20. And possibly a hot chocolate Mountain Dew break.
Evan Weiss
Any final advice?
Sam Ruland
Snow melts. Reputation doesn’t. Help your neighbors.
This conversation has been edited for length.
What other Very Philly Questions should we address?
This week I have invited two reporters to help answer one of the many SEPTA questions we hear.
Have your own thoughts or other questions? Fill in the box at the end!
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Evan Weiss
Deputy Features Editor
Before we get to the question at hand, can you both describe your backgrounds with taking SEPTA?
Beatrice Forman
Food & Dining Reporter
I've been carless since I moved to Philly seven years ago, and take SEPTA pretty much everywhere unless I'm with my boyfriend, who drives. Then I'm a passenger princess.
Henry Savage
Now Reporter
I ride SEPTA bus and subway every week to The Inquirer offices, plus when I’m going out at night. Cheap, and fairly quick travel!
Beatrice Forman
Food & Dining Reporter
“Fairly quick” is doing a lot of heavy lifting.
Henry Savage
You're not wrong lol.
Evan Weiss
Okay, the question is… What’s the etiquette when someone is blasting music on the El with no headphones — speak up or suffer?
Beatrice Forman
I think it's one of those things where it's well within your rights to speak up about someone blasting music on the El (especially in the morning), but do you really want to be known as the curmudgeon who chastised someone over something like this? I'd be so afraid of getting sniped and posted on TikTok.
Beatrice Forman
Have you ever spoken up about this IRL?
Henry Savage
I’ve seen full-blown phone calls on speaker and people smoking out of glass instruments, but to be honest with you, I haven't said anything.
Henry Savage
What's your go-to solution when this happens to you? I'm partial to blasting my headphones.
Beatrice Forman
I wish I was the type of person who could just turn my AirPods up full volume to drown it out, but I am also a 5-foot-tall woman alone on public transit, so the head has to stay on a swivel. Also, sometimes those things die!
Beatrice Forman
I was recently on the BSL home from an assignment in South Philly around the time classes let out, and this kid was blasting Kendrick Lamar loud enough for all the train car to hear, so I ended up politely offering him a pair of corded earbuds to use to see if he'd take the hint.
Henry Savage
Nice work!
Beatrice Forman
He did not take the hint, but I was proud of myself for trying.
Beatrice Forman
Do you think there's a right way to nudge a person to, perhaps, not smoke on the train? Or blast their playlist?
Henry Savage
I think going the solutions-oriented approach of, "Hey, looks like you could use some headphones?" is a good call.
Henry Savage
In reality, what's the right way? Probably being as polite as possible while knowing the person will likely rebuff you. That being said, sometimes all it takes is for one person to call someone out!
Henry Savage
Or should we just invoke "Think of the children and older riders!" Smoking in front of children is the worst look.
Evan Weiss
Smoking is really the most annoying. I've been on the train with my daughter and we just had to move cars — not worth the possible contention with her there.
Henry Savage
Yeah, if things go dicey with your kid there… good call.
Beatrice Forman
I do think sometimes a very pointed and pissed off "Can you not? There's people around" would probably be soooo cathartic though, and would get the point across. Especially for smoking. No one likes that but the smoker.
Henry Savage
The moments you think about an hour afterward and say, "Dang! I wish I said that back there!"
Beatrice Forman
I think it's tough because so much of the issues with these things on SEPTA can be brushed off as just the side effects of living in a city and can feel kind of elitist to complain about, but also, counterpoint: none of this should be happening enough to warrant an Inquirer column.
Evan Weiss
True! FWIW I do think it's far better on the bus than the train — probably because you have the driver upfront to tell people off.
Henry Savage
Yes, I will say that taking the bus there's more enforcement in my opinion. Some SEPTA bus drivers are known to pull the bus over and not leave until the issue is resolved, like smoking, fare evasion, or loud speakers!
Beatrice Forman
I've also seen this happen on the bus, Evan. Mostly music though, not the smoking.
Evan Weiss
Bea, I'm still impressed you said something! I don't think I've ever seen that happen
Henry Savage
Yeah, that's a true Philly move.
Beatrice Forman
It was like exposure therapy for my anxiety.
Beatrice Forman
I will probably never do it again though. Not the hero we quite need.
Henry Savage
In a perfect world? Every single smoker and to a lesser extent music blaster would be confronted, and realistically fined or reprimanded for the behavior. In this economy? I’m keeping it moving and cranking my music.
Henry Savage
If my headphones die, I suffer in — well, not silence — but the blaring sounds of AI voice over TikTok slop videos.
Evan Weiss
Any last words, Bea?
Beatrice Forman
Be the change you wish to see in the world and don't smoke or make me listen to your bad taste in TikToks on SEPTA.
This conversation has been edited for length.
What other Very Philly Questions should we address?
This week I have asked two reporters to help answer a holiday question — is the asker reasonable or a Grinch?
Have your own thoughts or other questions? Fill in the box at the end!
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Evan Weiss
Deputy Features Editor
The question is… My neighbor's rowhome Christmas lights shine directly into my bedroom. What should I do?
Jason Nark
Life & Culture Reporter
My first instinct, perhaps because it's Christmas, is to let it pass, to take one for the season.
Zoe Greenberg
Life & Culture Reporter
I say close the curtains? Put on your eye mask. It's the holidays.
Jason Nark
But, I do have strong feelings about light.
Jason Nark
Light pollution, for one. The new, pervasive, blinding white lights make the world look like a dental office. The amount of lights on in urban office/tall buildings at night, which contributes to bird deaths. I'm a light weirdo.
Zoe Greenberg
I'm also anti-bird death!!!
Zoe Greenberg
I will say that my partner is always trying to have the indoor lights match the outside night sky, which means that in the winter he wants it very dark inside our home. And I long for light.
Evan Weiss
So your lights are off around 4:30??
Zoe Greenberg
If he could choose, that's what would happen.
Jason Nark
My hometown recently installed new streetlamps that are too tall and far too bright. If I lived closer to one, and they didn't do anything about it, there might be sabotage.
Zoe Greenberg
The neighbor's lights are not going to last too long.
Zoe Greenberg
Should we be worried about your sabotaging your neighbor's beautiful Christmas lights?
Jason Nark
No, I give Christmas lights a pass because they're usually less intrusive and dimmer, and temporary.
Jason Nark
I will say that it's smart to invest in timers.
Evan Weiss
I think unless you really can't sleep, you have to deal with it.
Evan Weiss
Part of living in a city is accommodating your community. If you want no light, no noise, there are plenty of parts of Pennsylvania where the bears will welcome you.
Zoe Greenberg
Very true. Or rocks in the ocean.
Evan Weiss
You're exiling the neighbor to the sea?
Zoe Greenberg
I just mean if they don't want any lights! In the darkest season when light brings happiness and joy!!
Jason Nark
I wouldn't want my neighbor to have one of those Christmas "shows." I think that would be too much. Someone in Milford, Pa. was charged for cutting Christmas lights a few years back. She thought they were too much.
Evan Weiss
Any last advice for the question asker?
Zoe Greenberg
Maybe bake the neighbor some cookies and wish them a happy holidays.
Jason Nark
Or get blackout curtains.
This conversation has been edited for length.
What other Very Philly Questions should we address?
The holiday is over but that doesn’t mean the drama has ended. I’ve pulled in two Inquirer Features staffers to help answer the familial conundrum.
Evan Weiss, Deputy Features Editor: Okay, the question is…
My sister brought her new boyfriend to Thanksgiving and asked if we like him. Should I tell the truth? (Which is no.)
Stephanie Farr, Staff Columnist: I think honesty is always the way to go, but when it comes to your loved one’s partners, you must tread carefully.
I definitely think you shouldn’t say no flat-out, but you could turn it around and ask questions of her: How do you feel he did? What do you like about him? What did he think of us?
Jason Nark, Life & Culture Reporter: This is a tough one because I’ve learned, after the fact, what people thought of partners. It would have been helpful to know their opinions ahead of time.
Stephanie Farr: I definitely brought a stinker of a boyfriend to Thanksgiving once, and while I didn’t ask what my father’s opinion of him was, I didn’t have to. My dad didn’t say anything about the dude and I didn’t ask because I knew and he knew and he knew I knew. If he liked him, he would have said it, there would be no need to ask.
Jason Nark: My mom has said “Would it have mattered?” It probably wouldn’t have. lol
Stephanie Farr: And I think that’s exactly the point! When you’re in a relationship with someone that you don’t want to leave — for whatever reason, good or bad — very little anyone says is going to change your mind. And if it’s your family, well then you start to think they just don’t want your happiness or understand you.
Jason Nark: I feel like there needs to be a devil’s advocate in life situations, the one relative who will get you the straight story. I would like to be that person but it’s hard.
Stephanie Farr: DRUNK UNCLE FTW!
Jason Nark: Yes, I’ll be the drunk uncle.
Stephanie Farr: Haha! I got one, he’s great.
Jason Nark: Then again, I would never want to be “I told you so” kind of person.
I think, if my theoretical sister was looking for a life partner and was very serious, I would express my concerns if I saw red flags. What if the guy rooted for the Cowboys?
But if it’s less serious, I’d probably hold back.
Evan Weiss: You really don’t want to be in the situation where you disparage the person so heavily and then they end up marrying them and it’s awkward forever.
Stephanie Farr: I think if you’re genuinely concerned about your sister’s partner, maybe pointing out specifics instead of disparaging the entire person is the way to go. For example: “I didn’t like that Brad didn’t say ‘Thank you’ to you for clearing his plate. Is he usually better about such things?” or “I noticed Brad spent the entire trip home watching football instead of hanging with the family. Was it us or is that how he usually is?”
Sow the seeds of doubt, if warranted, but don’t pull out the entire weed because you don’t know how far his roots have grown.
Jason Nark: Mostly, I’d want to see how he treats her in little moments. Does he ask her if she needs something? Does he laugh at her jokes? Is he family-oriented and not a curmudgeon?
We’re reporters after all, we’re great observers.
Evan Weiss: I think a big question for Thanksgiving specifically: Does he help out?
If he isn’t cooking… does he clean?
Stephanie Farr: 110%. I think that’s a big question when considering a life partner overall too, but if you want to impress someone’s family, offer to do chores! I can’t cook, but I wash all the dishes at my in-laws’ holiday gatherings (Bonus: It also gives me alone time. Shhhh!)
Jason Nark: I guess my takeaway is this: If you express your concerns, do it gently, with grace, knowing your opinion could be ignored.
Stephanie Farr: Yes, do it sneakily!
Evan Weiss: And don’t get mad if things don’t go your way.
Stephanie Farr: For sure, you have to be prepared to be the bad guy if you want to be brutally honest.
It’s almost Thanksgiving and maybe you’re not the cooking type. Or maybe you just have too much on your … plate. I invited two Inquirer journalists to answer the age-old holiday conundrum. We do get to the bottom of it.
Evan Weiss, deputy features editor: OK, the question is …
Is it rude to bring a store-bought Thanksgiving dish when everyone else is cooking from scratch?
Margaret Eby, food editor: I feel very strongly about this! The answer is no, of course not! Unless you said you were bringing a homemade casserole and show up with a bag of half-eaten Doritos or something, it’s not rude.
Sam Ruland, features planning and coverage editor: I think it comes down to how much you like these people.
Margaret Eby: Oooh OK so homemade is only for people you like? Or vice versa?
Sam Ruland: If they’re the relatives you adore, put in the effort. Make something, even if it’s simple.
If they’re the relatives who fight over politics and ask why you’re still single? Pay $12.99 for a pie, pop it on a plate, and walk in confidently.
Margaret Eby: Hahahah that’s a spicy take. To me, I appreciate someone bringing something. I love cooking! But I don’t always have the energy.
I also have a weird problem, which is that people don’t like cooking for food editors and writers. I think they assume I’ll judge them in the same way we review restaurants, and that’s not true at all. I find it to be a huge compliment whenever anyone cooks me anything, down to a grilled cheese.
But maybe that’s part of why I feel like it’s fine to let yourself and other people off the hook. Plus, restaurants and bakers and other professionals are great at cooking! It’s fine to let them cook for you!
Sam Ruland: I totally get that — cooking for food people does feel like a high-stakes audition.
Margaret Eby: That’s just because you can’t see us behind the screen eating string cheese for lunch.
Sam Ruland: And this is where my chaotic Thanksgiving philosophy kicks in: I’m a huge fan of buying something and quietly placing it in your own dish like you spent hours on it. If it saves your sanity, do it.
Margaret Eby: I support that entirely.
It is not anyone’s business who made those potatoes.
Evan Weiss: OK, what’s the best thing to buy and pass off as your own?
Margaret Eby: A whole pizza.
No, just kidding. But bringing a whole pizza to a party — it’s kind of a baller move.
Bring a Johnny’s Pizza from Bryn Mawr?
Sam Ruland: Honestly, I’m more offended not by someone buying it from the store, but by not even trying to hide it. At least commit to the bit! Put it in a real dish!
Margaret Eby: I think if you’re attempting to pass it off as your own, you do have to be a little realistic. Like that beautifully crafted hand-latticed pie is a great thing to bring. But if you don’t bake pie, your cover is going to be blown pretty quickly.
The homemade thing people are always impressed by no matter how “rustic” it looks is bread, I’ve found. I’ll bring over a really complicated dish and bread as an appetizer, and people are always more impressed by the bread
Sam Ruland: Right, the pie lie has limits. This is why I fully endorse buying something like lobster mac and cheese, putting it in your casserole dish, and sighing deeply like it took you hours. Play to your strengths: commitment and presentation.
Margaret Eby: Feigning struggle is an important part of Thanksgiving!
Sam Ruland: The sigh, the smudge of flour on your shirt that you did not earn — it’s all part of the illusion.
Evan Weiss: Also, so many great restaurants around here do great Thanksgiving takeout. You might get some cred if you say where you got it. (Also, bonus because then you don’t have to lie.)
Sam Ruland: That’s true, restaurant flexing is its own kind of prestige. But I maintain: the quiet dignity of transferring it to your own dish and pretending you suffered for it? Iconic.
Margaret Eby: I think if you put the thought into picking up a fabulous pie from The Bread Room or a whole bundle of goodies from Zig Zag, for example, people will be just as impressed by that effort as if you made it your own.
Or I would be, anyway.
The Bread Room by High Street Hospitality’s line up of Thanksgiving treats, clockwise from right to left: miso caramel apple pie, dirty chai chocolate pie, and basque pumpkin cheesecake.
Sam Ruland: True! Like my family loves the cannolis from Isgros, so that’s something that would be a crowd pleaser no matter what and wouldn’t get grumbles.
Margaret Eby: Picking up cheese from DiBruno’s is also a great move. And you don’t have to pretend that you have a secret cheese cave in your basement.
However, I believe that the holidays are all about long-running bits with your friends and family. And passing off a dish as your own instead of purchased is a classic bit.
So maybe DO pretend you made the cheese, why not.
Evan Weiss: “Yes, I made this wine in Sonoma in 2013!”
Margaret Eby: “It was a great year, thanks!”
Evan Weiss: So the answer is: No, it’s not rude to bring prepared food. But either commit to the bit or get it from somewhere good.
Margaret Eby: Yep, we solved it.
And don’t be like my friend in college who would bring a ziplock bag of whiskey to parties.
No one appreciates that.
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