We’re back to respond to another pressing, reader-submitted question. I chatted with two dog owners on staff who debate the regular issue (and throw some shade at cats).
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Evan Weiss
Deputy Features Editor
The question is: Can I toss out my dog's poop bag in someone else's trash can while out and about?
Stephanie Farr
Staff Columnist
No. Absolutely not. Aside from not picking up your dog's poop at all, this may be one of the worst things you can doo doo.
Jason Nark
Life & Culture Reporter
While I'm on the "pro" side, I don't do this myself. I either take it home with me or dump it in a municipal trash can on my route.
Stephanie Farr
I'm glad you don't do it, Jason.
Stephanie Farr
I do think it's one of the things that give dog owners a bad name. Municipal cans and dumpsters are fine, but I think throwing it in someone's just-emptied personal trash can is just trash. What if their trash can sits right under their window all week or in their backyard?
Jason Nark
My feeling is that it's all going to the same place and while I'd rather you take it to your house and put it in your can, I also don't like carrying dog poop around. I get it. We're all in this together.
Stephanie Farr
Nobody likes carrying poop around in a bag — and if you do, you may want to talk to someone about that. But it's a part of dog ownership and if you aren't willing to do it don't get a dog.
Evan Weiss
I hate it when someone throws a bag into my just-emptied trash can. But! I don't mind if it's out on the curb waiting to be emptied. How do you feel about that?
Jason Nark
I'm sure I have someone else's dog poop in my empty trash cans right now.
Stephanie Farr
Throwing dog poop in a full trash can waiting to be emptied is better than a just-emptied one.
Stephanie Farr
Before I had a dog, I remember folks used to walk off of the sidewalk to throw their dog poop bags in my empty can on the side of my house — when it wasn't even trash day! Oh that got my goat.
Jason Nark
There's a woman who lives near my house with a dilapidated garage with some holes in the door and people constantly toss poop bags in there. That's wrong.
Stephanie Farr
Oh my dog, that is reprehensible!
Evan Weiss
THEY THROW IT IN HER GARAGE??
Jason Nark
Yes.
Stephanie Farr
I feel so sorry for that lady and for those dogs that their owners are such terrible human beings.
Stephanie Farr
Question for you, Jason: Did you ever forget to bring a poop bag on a walk? If so, what did you do?
Jason Nark
No comment.
Jason Nark
My ex and I used to joke about the rare "double bang-bang": when you bring one bag but your dog goes twice.
Stephanie Farr
Gah! Yes! I learned the hard way early on to always bring more than one.
Stephanie Farr
I forgot a bag once and felt terrible. I walked home, got in my car, drove back and picked it up and drove it home in my car, hoping someone didn't see me and think I was just going around bagging up random poop and taking it home with me.
Jason Nark
God Bless!
Jason Nark
I'll say this, I'd rather deal with dog poop every day than clean one litter box.
Stephanie Farr
Oh heck yes! Any day of the week.
Evan Weiss
Last question: What would you say to someone you saw dropping a bag in your trash can?
Jason Nark
I don't think I'd say anything.
Stephanie Farr
“Why can't you carry this back with you? Would you like to leave your dog here with me too?”
This conversation has been edited for length.
Should a dog owner toss out their dog's poop bag in someone else's trash can?
Thanks for voting
What other Very Philly Questions should we address?
We’ll show you a photo taken in the Philly-area, you drop a pin where you think it was taken. Closer to the location results in a better score. This week’s theme is all about Halloween. Good luck!
Round #4Published Oct 25, 2025
Question 1
Where can you find this raven?
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ClickTap on map to guess the location in the photo
ClickTap again to change your guess and hit submit when you're happy
You will be scored at the end. The closer to the location the better the score
Tom Gralish / Staff Photographer
Pretty good/Not bad/Way off! Your guess was from the location. Here's also where a random selection of Inquirer readers guessed.
This is the Edgar Allan Pоe National Historic Site. Known for the horrifying and mystifying works, Poe lived in Philadelphia from 1838 to 1844. Here he wrote some of his most well-known stories, including the “Fall of the House of Usher” and “The Mask of the Red Death.”
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Question 2
Where can you find Benjamin Franklin’s grave?
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Monica Herndon / Staff Photographer
Pretty good/Not bad/Way off! Your guess was from the location. Here's also where a random selection of Inquirer readers guessed.
There are some lingering rumors about the ghost of Benjamin Franklin wandering around in Old City. Whether you believe the tales or not, you can find his final resting place at the Christ Church Burial Ground. The graveyard first opened in 1719 and is open to the public.
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Question 3
Where was this old photo taken?
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The Library of Congress
Pretty good/Not bad/Way off! Your guess was from the location. Here's also where a random selection of Inquirer readers guessed.
This is the lobby of the Bellevue Hotel on South Broad Street in the mid-20th century. According to some tour guides, Bellevue Hotel’s “haunted” reputation started with a Legionnaires’ disease outbreak in the 1970s and still attracts horror lovers.
Your Score
ARank
Amazing work. Consider yourself an expert in Philly's spooky lore!
BRank
Good stuff. You've almost mastered the art of being scarily smart.
CRank
C is a passing grade, but maybe take a ghost tour next time.
DRank
D isn’t great. Did a spooky spirit guess for you?
FRank
We don’t want to say you failed, but you didn’t not fail.
Cherokee Guido swung her legs and hips vertically above the lower uneven bar at Vare Recreation Center one recent evening as her coach steadied her. Guido had once mastered this handstand but lost it during a few months off. She wanted it back.
“I can’t be afraid to fall,” Guido, 19, coached herself out loud. Behind her hung a sign with rainbow borders: The way you speak to yourself matters.
Over the years, young gymnasts like Guido and their Vare coaches have learned to talk themselves to victory, first when they were practicing in a crumbling rec building before COVID, then when they were trekking from South Philadelphiato Brewerytown’s Athletic Recreation Center while Vare underwent renovations. They had gotten used to tumbling on mats that slipped around, without a regulation spring floor. They learned to train their minds as much as their bodies.
Throughout practice, the girls cheer each other on across the gym, quick to compliment teammates they say are more like sisters.
“Nice, Laila!” Ariah Buzzetto, 10, called out to her friend Laila Godfrey, 12, across the floor.
“How you practice is how you compete. If you practice lazy, then you’re going to compete lazy,” said 12-year-old Meela Muhammad, sounding very much like an inspirational poster.
Notes written by 9-year-old Alessia Samson during practice.
Now, training in a new, state-of-the-art, 4,900-square-foot gym at the renovated Vare, which reopened in November 2024,the gymnasts have come a long way — but they’re still competing against private-club teams with sleek, matching uniforms who are better funded, and often better prepared for high-pressure USA Gymnastics (USAG) competitions.
“They have a lot more, bigger skills,” Guido said of their rivals. “At first, for me, I felt like how you go to a ball, you feel underdressed.”
Guido, for example, still wears an older purple leotard because she couldn’t afford a new one, while the rest of her team wears blue.
Head coach Kristin Smerker and Cherokee Guido, 19, laugh while working on the uneven bars during team practice.
Now, Vare Gymnastics is trying to raise at least$6,000 as soon as possible through a GoFundMefor new jackets and gym bags for this year’s competition season, which begins with the Liberty Cup, a December USAG meet at the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center.
If they don’t raise the money, they won’t be able to purchase full uniform sets. The team is also hoping to put some of the money toward financial aid for spring meets; most meets fill up by the end of the fall, and without the funds to enter, some girls won’t be able to attend.
USAG is the national governing body for gymnasts; the Vare Rec team competes in Xcel, a program that offers more accessible competitions than the parallel track that funnels athletes to world competitions and the Olympics.There are only two other city rec centers in Philly that compete in USAG competitions: Kendrick Recreation Center in Roxborough and the Water Tower Recreation Center in Chestnut Hill.
From left, Cherokee Guido, 19, and Alessia Samson, 9, train on the balance beam during team practice.
Though Xcel is supposed to be more affordable, gymnastics is expensive: Entrance fees and uniforms cost hundreds of dollars per child, plus tuition for practice. At $100 per semester, Vare’s rate is far less than at those private gyms, but many parents still struggle to pay.
Marie McBreen, 42, has two daughters in the program. Her oldest enrolled 10 years ago after McBreen begged the coaches for three weeks to find her a spot. She’s seen how positive the team is for them: It has boosted their confidence and they’ve made close friends. But this year, with two kids in the program, she can’t afford to send both to all the competitions.
“Most of us don’t have a whole lot of money. You do the fundraiser to help so they don’t have to miss out,” McBreen said.
Head coach Kristin Smerker is not sure whether the team will raise enough in time.
“Every club has a whole getup. And we don’t. We’re getting whatever we can,” Smerker said. “You can still compete, but they just don’t feel good about it … They’re so talented and they deserve better.”
Smerker is a Northeast native, an encouraging, pump-you-up kind of coach prone to wearing black leggings and mismatched grip socks at daily practice. She built the program from the ground up, starting in 1998 with two floor mats she had begged from nearby gyms.
Nearly 30 years later, Vare Gymnastics has 130 participants, plus a nine-page waiting list. In 2013, the team joined USAG. Alongside Smerker, the team has a beam coach and also a floor coach, Smerker’s sister. In 2017, Smerker brought the team to a USAG meet and lamented to the other coaches that the girls didn’t have a permanent building and were shuttling all over the city for practice.
“Our team won first place,” she said, laughing. “Our kids have heart.”
Head coach Kristin Smerker guides Ariah Buzzetto, 10, during practice. Alessia Samson, 9, (left) and Cherokee Guido, 19, (right) are guided by beam coach Natasha Rogers (middle) as Ariah Buzzetto, 10, looks on.
Guido has been practicing gymnastics at Vare since she was 2 years old, and is among the best at the gym. Last year she graduated from high school and technically from Vare, but she is now back working on her skills.
“I love it already!” she called to her teammate Suadaa “Susu” Muhammad, as Susu debuted her new floor routine.
Along with team captain Elianna Olsen,Muhammad and Guido call themselves the “OG gymnasts” because they’ve been at Vare the longest.
Perhaps like many young gymnasts, Muhammad, 19, started with enormous dreams.
In the beginning, she said, “I thought I was gonna be bigger than Simone Biles.”
These days, she fits practice in three times a week, alongside radiology classes in her freshman year at the Community College of Philadelphia, and a night job pushing wheelchairs at the airport. She was also just hired as a coach for the Vare team. In her own training, she’s focused on her round off back handspring back tuck for her floor routine, trying to get it ready for December’s meet.
“Some coaches say to our coaches, ‘Oh, wow, you’re from a rec center? I’m surprised your girls are doing this good,’” Muhammad said.
South Philly’s Vare Gymnastics Team is the subject of the short documentary “Underdogs,” which is executive produced by former Philadelphia Eagles Connor Barwin and Jason Kelce.
In the early years, Muhammad used to get points deducted at meets for wearing her headscarf, she said; the judges considered it in the same category as jewelry and nail polish, which are prohibited. Her family and coaches wrote letters to USAG, and the rule was changed, Smerker said.
This year, Smerker wants the girls to be wearing their matching uniforms when they walk out to meet their rivals.
“I want them to walk in there and feel proud of themselves and feel confident,” she said. “It’s important to them and important to me to do everything to make it happen.”
Tony B. Watlington Sr. took some razzing when he arrived in Philadelphia for a high-stakes job: superintendent of the city’s public school system.
Who was this outsider hired to run the nation’s eighth-largest school system?
Watlington was born in New Jersey — Fort Dix, to be exact — but spent most of his life and all of his career in North Carolina, with the lilting Southern accent to prove it.
Philadelphia School District Superintendent Tony B. Watlington, Sr. at round table discussion at Murrell Dobbins Career & Technical Education High School Sept. 2, 2025.
But since 2022, Watlington has been a Philadelphian — a distinction he’s now proud to claim. (He’s staying around, too — the school board just extended Watlington’s contract through 2030.)
While most Philadelphians describe their perfect day away from work, Watlington couldn’t help himself.
5:45 a.m.
I’m up early, and I’m either out early getting a run on the Schuylkill or doing an indoor CrossFit workout. I work out for one hour — and I make sure to spend plenty of time stretching.
8 a.m.
I walk into my office, and it is clutter-free. All my emails are responded to from the evening before — though some come in overnight. All of my phone calls are returned from the previous day, so I get to hit the ground running, ahead and not behind. That is really important to me.
After I get a cup of coffee and look at that nice email inbox, I meet with the chief financial officer [Mike Herbstman] if it’s a Monday. He’s the first person I meet with every single week — we talk about district finances.
Philadelphia School District superintendent Tony B. Watlington Sr. (left) stops to talk with Marie Williams, the grandparent of a Building 21 High School student as he leaves a meeting with families, students and staff of the school at Strawberry Mansion High School Sunday Mar. 5, 2023.
Then I’m ready to gear up and hit the trail with district spokesperson Monique Braxton, or Deputy Chief [of Government and Community Relations Edwin] Santana, and we’re out and about. My perfect day would be to spend more than 50% of the day in schools, with teachers, principals, and students.
Superintendent Tony B. Watlington Sr. eats lunch with students at Hunter Elementary in North Philadelphia: pizza, carrots and green beans, fruit cup. Watlington also drank chocolate milk and chatted with kids about the first day of school of the 2025-26 school year.
When I’m not in schools, during that 50% of the day that I’m out of the office, I’m engaging with other external stakeholders — everything from grassroots organizations, elected officials at the city and state level, and with our federally elected officials, and also with members of the philanthropic community. I believe strongly in this notion of “nothing for us without us.”
I want to see how well things are going, and get some real-time feedback. One thing I love about Philadelphia: you don’t have to guess what people think. We are a frank city.
Philadelphia Eagles’ Jason Kelce shares a laugh with School District of Philadelphia Superintendent Dr. Tony Watlington on Tuesday, Dec. 10, 2024, during Operation Snowball Media Day at Shipmates in Philadelphia, Pa.The team is giving gifts to Philly school children with the money raised from the Eagles holiday album A Philly Specials Christmas Party.
3-5:30 p.m.
On Mondays, myself, the deputy, and associate superintendents spend the latter part of the day into the evening in a cabinet meeting. I never get home in time for the 6:30 p.m. news, which I used to like to see as a teacher sometimes.
Evening
I try to eat a healthy dinner, get a good night’s sleep, and drink plenty of water.
Even though I’m an empty nester at this point, that’s the time to either get a quick phone call or check in with my family, including my three sons Tony Jr., Aaron, and Caleb, who love coming to Philadelphia.
By the time I get to the end of the week or the weekend, I’m ready for more of the robust things in Philadelphia, like cheesesteaks.
Superintendent Tony B. Watlington, Ed.D, during State-of-the-schools address, High School of the Future, Philadelphia, Thursday, Jan. 30, 2025. .
I have found so many places in Philadelphia for good food. Today, I had a chicken gyro from the Reading Terminal Market.
The other day, I went back to the first restaurant where my predecessor in Philly [William R. Hite Jr.] first took me to lunch, Talula’s Garden.
Dr. William Hite (foreground) listens to Tony Watlington Sr., the Philadelphia Public School districts new superintendent. Photograph taken on the morning of his announcement at the School District Headquarters at 440 N. Broad Street in Philadelphia on Friday morning April 1, 2022.
Now I’ve learned here in year four to just kind of wander around the city and so I’ve got a two-page list of restaurants. Everywhere I go, I’m always adding something new.
If there’s time, I try to be very intentional about being able to get out and cheer for the teams here. I am a frequent visitor to the stadiums, to see the Eagles, the Phillies, and the 76ers. The only team I’ve not actually been to a sporting event for yet is the Flyers. That’s on my list for year four.
Dr. Tony Watlington Sr. Ed.D, Superintendent of Philadelphia schools helps kick off the Ring the Bell PHL campaign at Citizens Bank Park on Tuesday, August 13, 2024. This kick off starts the community thinking about upcoming school year.
No longer at its home outside the Weitzman National Museum of American Jewish History on the corner of Fifth and Market Streets, the bright “Lamborghini yellow” sculpture that then-curator Josh Perelman called “an ongoing love letter to the city,” had gone away for some R & R — removal and refurbishment.
The “Y” waits to be refurbished at the Johnson Atelier in September.
Installed in 2022, the work by Brooklyn, N.Y.-based artist Deborah Kass quickly became one of our city’s most selfied spots — right up there with that bell just across Independence Mall.
It was only supposed to be here a year, but it stayed around (although the museum is hopeful, it’s still not officially permanent).
Students from Hillwood Middle School in Ft. Worth, Texas visit in 2022.
After years on the busy corner (and all those field-tripping middle-schoolers climbing on it) the museum scheduled a removal in May of the eight foot tall Y and O letters for freshening up, planned to coincide with the continuing construction along Market Street through Old City.
Knowing my feelings for their sculpture, the folks at the museum invited me to photograph the refurbishment.
The letters did not require extensive work, and the aluminum was treated not unlike body work on a car: removing dents, priming, painting and leaving a durable finish.
At the Johnson Atelier, a facility established by Seward Johnson in 1974 to give artists greater involvement in the production of their work, I was not allowed to photograph from any angle that showed any other art works in the background. And there were plenty (sigh), like an eight-foot tall metal hand sitting on the floor, right across from the “Y” (I had to sign an NDA).
Looking over the fence from a public area at Grounds for Sculpture in 2019. A collection of trompe-l’œil painted sculptures by Seward Johnson in the yard at the adjacent Johnson Atelier.
Adding to the lack of visual variety, the letters went into the painting booth one at a time, so I couldn’t make a picture of them in the same frame. And I could only see the workers in the booth from outside – through a couple of windows. But that is exactly the kind of photographic challenge I most enjoy.
Now, after a few months the two giant letters are both as good as new and are scheduled to be reinstalled this Saturday.
Weitzman president and CEO Dan Tadmor, looking forward to its return to their corner heading into the nation’s 250th says, “Deborah Kass’s OY/YO celebrates the spirit of a city that’s always spoken in its own voice: bold, funny, and full of heart.”
Since 1998 a black-and-white photo has appeared every Monday in staff photographer Tom Gralish’s “Scene Through the Lens” photo column in the print editions of The Inquirer’s local news section. Here are the most recent, in color:
October 20, 2025:The yellow shipping container next to City Hall attracted a line of over 300 people that stretched around a corner of Dilworth Park. Bystanders wondered as they watched devotees reaching the front take their selfies inside a retro Philly diner-esque booth tableau. Followers on social media had been invited to “Climb on to immerse yourself in the worlds of Pleasing Fragrance, Big Lip, and exclusive treasures,” including a spin of the “Freebie Wheel,” for products of the unisex lifestyle brand Pleasing, created by former One Direction singer Harry Styles.October 11, 2025: Can you find the Phillie Phanatic, as he leaves a “Rally for Red October Bus Tour” stop in downtown Westmont, N.J. just before the start of the NLDS? There’s always next year and he’ll be back. The 2026 Spring Training schedule has yet to be announced by Major League Baseball, but Phillies pitchers and catchers generally first report to Clearwater, Florida in mid-February.October 6. 2025: Fluorescent orange safety cone, 28 in, Poly Ethylene. Right: Paint Torch (detail) Claes Oldenburg, 2011, Steel, Fiberglass Reinforced Plastic, Gelcoat and Polyurethane. (Gob of paint, 6 ft. Main sculpture, 51 ft.). Lenfest Plaza at the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts on North Broad Street, across from the Convention Center.September 29, 2025: A concerned resident who follows Bucks County politics, Kevin Puls records the scene before a campaign rally for State Treasurer Stacy Garrity, the GOP candidate for governor. His T-shirt is “personal clickbait” with a url to direct people to the website for The Travis Manion Foundation created to empower veterans and families of fallen heroes. The image on the shirts is of Greg Stocker, one of the hosts of Kayal and Company, “A fun and entertaining conservative spin on Politics, News, and Sports,” mornings on Talk Radio 1210 WPHT.September 22, 2025: A shadow is cast by “The Cock’s Comb,” created by Alexander “Sandy” Calder in 1960, is the first work seen by visitors arriving at Calder Gardens, the new sanctuary on the Ben Franklin Parkway. The indoor and outdoor spaces feature the mobiles, stabiles, and paintings of Calder, who was born in Philadelphia in 1898, the third generation of the family’s artistic legacy in the city.September 15, 2025: Department of Streets Director of Operations Thomas Buck leaves City Hall following a news conference marking the activation of Automated Speed Enforcement (ASE) cameras on the Broad Street corridor – one the city’s busiest and most dangerous roads. The speed limit on the street, also named PA Route 611, is 25 mph.September 8, 2025: Middle schoolers carry a boat to the water during their first outing in a learn-to-row program with the Cooper Junior Rowing Club, at the Camden County Boathouse on the Cooper River in Pennsauken. September 1, 2025: Trumpet player Rome Leone busks at City Hall’s Easr Portal. The Philadelphia native plays many instruments, including violin and piano, which he started playing when he was 3 years old. He tells those who stop to talk that his grandfather played with Billie Holiday, Duke Ellington, Nina Simone, and Dizzy Gillespie. August 25, 2025: Bicycling along on East Market Street.August 18, 2025: Just passing through Center City; another extraterrestrial among us. August 11, 2025: Chris Brown stows away Tongue, the mascot for a new hard iced tea brand, after wearing the lemon costume on a marketing stroll through the Historic District. Trenton-based Crooked Tea is a zero-sugar alcoholic tea brand founded by the creator of Bai, the antioxidant-infused coconut-flavored water, and launched in April with former Eagles defensive end Brandon Graham as a partner.August 4,2025: Shanna Chandler and her daughters figure out their plans for a morning spent in Independence National Historical Park on the map in the Independence Visitor Center. The women (from left) Lora, 20; Shanna; Lenna, 17; and Indigo, 29, were stopping on their way home to Richmond, Virginia after vacationing in Maine. The last time they were all in Philadelphia Shanna was pregnant with Lenna. July 28, 2025: Louis-Amaury Beauchet, a professional bridge player from Brittany, France, takes a break between game sessions in an empty ballroom during the North American Bridge Championships at the Center City Marriott with some 4000 people in town over week of the tournament. The American Contract Bridge League is hosting the week of meetings and tournaments with bridge players from all over the world. The ACBL is the largest bridge organization in North America, with over 120,000 members (down from around 165,000 before COVID). Bridge draws players of all ages and walks of life – fictional characters James Bond and Snoopy both played as do billionaires Bill Gates and Warren Buffett (who sometimes play as partners).July 21, 2015: Signage for the Kustard Korner in Egg Harbor City, on the way to the Jersey Shore. President Ronald Reagan designated July as National Ice Cream Month and the third Sunday of the month.July 14, 2025: Fans watch a game at the Maple Shade Babe Ruth Field, part of the 20th Annual Franny Friel Summer Classic, on a cool(er) night with a refreshing breeze, the weekend before the MLB All-Star Game (with Kyle Schwarber the lone Phillies representative).
The buyers: Brandon Balcom, 44, vice president of product operations at BCD Travel; Dane Cox, 39, owner of Dane Cox State Farm Insurance Agency
The house: A 3,767-square-foot, ranch-style home in Collingswood with three bedrooms and three baths built in 1955
The price: Listed for $695,000; purchased for $735,000
The agent: Amy Telfair, Telfair Collective
The Ask: Brandon Balcom and Dane Cox were not looking to buy a new house. They had just purchased a fixer-upper on a beautiful oversized lot in 2021. “It was in the perfect spot,” Balcom said, “and they always say, ‘you can’t move your house.’”
But it turned out their perfectly located house needed to be rebuilt from the foundation up and the lengthy zoning process was wearing them down. Two years into a renovation with no end in sight, their friend,real estate agent, Amy Telfair, suggested they buy a new house instead. In fact, she knew just the one.
“We chuckled and rolled our eyes, because she’s a Realtor with vested interest,” said Balcom. But the couple agreed to check out the listing anyway.
Dane Cox and Brandon Balcom in their living room with their beloved corgy.
The appeal: The house was designed in the midcentury style they loved, and, unlike their current place, it didn’t need any work. “We started dreaming very quickly about skipping all these steps,” said Balcom. The new house even had a pool, which Balcom said was part of a “years-down-the-line vision” for their current home.
Balcom’s favorite thing was that it was perfect for entertaining, from the bar in the finished basement to the grand fireplace in the living room. When Cox heard his husband gasp at the fireplace, he knew the deal was done.
“I was like, ‘There’s nothing I can say at this point that’s going to convince him otherwise,’” Cox said.
The search: To get ahead of other potential buyers, the couple used a trick they learned while selling their previous house in Minneapolis: they brought their inspector to the showing.
“We wanted to know when we left that day if there was an issue,” said Balcom. Knocking out the inspection early allowed them to waive it as a contingency, which the couple knew from experience would appeal to the sellers.
The kitchen of the couple’s home, which is designed in the midcentury style they love.
The couple’s inspector gave them the go-ahead, so they went to Cox’s office and “started scheming,” said Balcom.
The deal: The couple called Telfair, whose first instinct was to get the house off the market. She didn’t want the sellers to show it over the weekend, so she asked what it would take to get the listing taken down that day. They requested an all-cash offer of $735,000 — $40,000 above the asking price. Cox and Balcom agreed, and a legal contract that required the seller to cancel upcoming showings was speedily signed.
The money: Balcom and Cox didn’t have to hand over $750,000 in cash the day they signed the contract. They just needed to “give up any contingency on the need for financing to buy the home,” said Balcom. Documentation showing that they could pay in full would suffice.
They had over $400,000 in savings and brokerage accounts that they could show as proof of funds, and a letter from their parents confirming another $300,000 was available if needed. “You have to have a promissory note or something from your family that says, ‘I will give this amount for the purchase of the home,” Balcom said.
One of the main selling points was the giant fireplace in the living room.
But they didn’t end up borrowing money from their parents. “We just needed it for a moment to show we’ve got cash,” Balcom said.
Instead, they took out a home-equity loan on their fixer upper. “Between when we signed the contract and when we closed, we had time to pull the equity out of our existing house,” said Balcom. The loan provided them with enough cash to cover the remaining cost of their new home.
The move: Balcom said the actual close was anticlimactic. The sellers were out of town so they pre-signed everything for the couple, who left for a family vacation the day after the paperwork was done.
By the time they returned, the sellers had officially moved out. But they left several items that excited Balcom and Cox — including a pool table and a hot tub.
The couple moved in over two months, taking their time to bring each room “online,” said Balcom. “Once we got the furniture, it was like, ‘OK, now we’re using this room.’”
Any reservations? Balcom was surprised that several of the house’s nice-looking appliances were 20 years old. The previous owners “kept such good care of things,” he said.
Some amenities, like the infrared sauna with wireless speakers in the basement, were actually pretty old.
To listen to music, Balcom has to use the sauna’s built-in CD player, because the speakers were made before Bluetooth technology was common. “It’s like a circa-2000s car stereo,” he said, laughing.
Balcom was excited that the previous owners left the hot tub, even though it only lasted a few months.
The hot tub is 20 years old, too. “It ended up failing at the end of winter,” Balcom said. “I was hoping we’d get two years out of it.”
Life after close: Cox and Balcom haven’t changed anything since they moved in.
“This house doesn’t need anything,” said Cox. Indeed, that’s why they bought it.
Philly’s favorite running path is at it again. A “chasm”-sized sinkhole has swallowed part of the Schuylkill River Trail between Race and JFK — big enough, officials say, that you could almost park a car in it. (“Almost” feels like a challenge.)
The Schuylkill Banks crew fenced it off and called in Parks & Rec, the Water Department, and engineers — basically the full Avengers lineup of Philly infrastructure — to figure out what caused the hole and how to patch it before joggers start treating it like a new obstacle course.
The Schuylkill Trail might be cursed. Every year it’s something — floods, fallen trees, now this. Until it’s fixed, cyclists and runners are being detoured, which in Philly terms means “good luck.”
In Task, Robbie (Tom Pelphrey) uses Sixpenny Creek Quarry as a meeting place.
Delco goes “rural”…at least according to the NYT — C-
Somehow, the New York Times looked at Delco — home of Villanova, Swarthmore, and approximately 47 Wawas — and decided, “Ah yes, rural America.” Because nothing says “farm country” like the Blue Route at rush hour and a Target every three miles.
To be fair, Task creator Brad Ingelsby does paint parts of Delco as working-class, gritty, and hollowed-out, which, yeah, that’s real. But “rural”? Come on. The county has fewer farms than vape shops. The only livestock most Delco residents see are on a roast pork sandwich.
Still, the show does get something right: that weird in-between space so many towns around Philly live in — not city, not country, just post-industrial limbo where people are hustling to hang on. It’s not the backwoods. It’s just… us. Blue-collar, blunt, and way too online to ever be called rural again.
Philly’s 52-week flex — A-
For America’s 250th, Philly’s not settling for a parade — we’re throwing a 52-week-long brag about how we basically invented everything. Every week in 2026 will spotlight something that started here: the first hospital, zoo, flag, computer, hot-air balloon, even the penitentiary (because nothing says “city of firsts” like also being the first to lock people up).
It’s peak Philly — proud, weird, and wildly specific. Some of these firsts are legitimately world-changing (first medical school, first abolitionist society), while others are pure “only in Philly” energy (first Slinky, first ice-cream soda). The lineup’s got range. We went from inventing democracy to inventing dessert.
The ‘Six-Seven’ confusion — C-
Philly might’ve given the world democracy, the cheesesteak, and now… “six-seven,” a phrase that means absolutely nothing and somehow everything to a generation of teens who can’t stop saying it. It possibly started with Kensington rapper Skrilla’s song “Doot Doot (6 7)” and spiraled into TikToks, classrooms, and apparently South Park.
It’s not code, it’s not deep — it’s just two numbers. Maybe it’s a street, maybe it’s a mindset, maybe it’s proof that the internet’s broken our brains. Teachers hate it, parents are confused, and kids are out here saying “six-seven” like it’s a personality trait.
Still, if you hear it echoing down Broad Street, just nod and say it back. Six-seven. Whatever that means.
Philly drama doesn’t get juicier than this. Someone plastered a flyer around Fishtown calling out Two Robbers for serving a sad, gray burger — complete with a date stamp and the caption, “This is literally the burger that came out.”Reddit, of course, lost its mind.
Comments ranged from pure joy (“I f***in love love love this level of petty”) to the perfectly Philly (“This is what you get for ordering a burger at a craft seltzeria”). One guy even chimed in with, “They got robbed — by two robbers.” Another declared the poster was “doing the Lord’s work.”
But plot twist: the burger wasn’t theirs. The photo was actually from 9GAG, posted seven years ago under the title “Nasty Burger.” The owner jumped into Reddit like a man defending his honor, posting receipts side-by-side — the fake, the meme, and their actual burger, which, to be fair, looks great — and calling the whole stunt “diabolical.”
Now the thread’s full of conspiracy theories that the whole thing was a genius marketing stunt (“If it is, it worked on me”) and locals promising to stop by just to try the burger. So whether this was sabotage, performance art, or Philly’s pettiest PR move — Burgergate proves one thing: in this town, we don’t do calm, we do chaos. And we’ll probably Yelp about it after.
Philadelphia Eagles defensive end Brandon Graham during practice at the NovaCare Complex on Wednesday, Oct. 22, 2025 in Philadelphia.
Brandon Graham’s encore — A+
Philly’s loudest legend just couldn’t stay away. After seven whole months of “retirement,” Brandon Graham is back in midnight green for his 16th season, saying he’s still got “juice left.” The Eagles desperately needed both sacks and smiles, and no one brings either like BG.
At 37, rookies call him “the OG,” veterans call him the engine, and everyone calls him the guy who won’t stop talking in practice. “You thought you wasn’t gonna have to deal with me?” he said on his podcast. That’s the guy who strip-sacked Brady — not a man easing into retirement.
And honestly? The timing couldn’t be better. Missed tackles, blown assignments, no spark — the Eagles’ defense has been ugly. BG can’t fix everything, but he can sure as hell remind the Birds what fight looks like.
A rendering of the garage planned for Fishtown, looking west towards Center City.
Philly’s year of the parking garage — D+
In a city that loves to say it’s all about bikes, buses, and tree-lined streets, somehow 2025 has turned into the Year of the Parking Garage. Three new standalone garages are in the works — in Fishtown, University City, and Grays Ferry — because apparently we looked at the skyline and thought, “You know what’s missing? More concrete boxes for cars.”
Developers say people need somewhere to park near all the shiny new apartments, but urbanists are screaming into their reusable coffee cups. We’re talking a 1,000-car garage from CHOP (in a neighborhood already struggling with air quality), a 495-space one in University City (for a city lab and staff), and a Fishtown “garage-with-a-view” that’s trying to make rooftop parking sound sexy.
Parking pros say it’s a losing game — sky-high taxes, slim profits, and way too many empty spaces already. Even Parkway Corp. and E-Z Park, the kings of concrete, have looked at the numbers and said, “Good luck, you’ll need it.”
It’s the most Philly thing ever: everyone agrees it’s a bad idea, but someone’s still building it.
Sixers guard VJ Edgecombe shoots the basketball against Minnesota Timberwolves guard Jaylen Clark during a preseason game on Friday, Oct. 17, 2025 in Philadelphia.
Sixers start with a spark — B
Nobody in Philly was expecting the Sixers to look this good out the gate. Rookie VJ Edgecombe dropped 34 points in his debut — the third-highest in NBA history — and helped the Sixers steal a 117-116 win over the Celtics. That’s right: Wilt, LeBron, and now a 20-year-old kid who apparently sleeps like a baby before facing Boston in the Garden.
Edgecombe didn’t just show up — he looked like he’d been here for years. Calm, confident, and already saying the kind of humble stuff that makes you want to buy his jersey before Christmas. Tyrese Maxey poured in 40, and even his gentle clowning (“77 definitely got scared at the free-throw line”) couldn’t hide the fact that Philly might actually have a backcourt worth believing in.
It’s still early, but this team has something it hasn’t had in forever: fun. For once, the Sixers aren’t pretending to be contenders — they’re just hooping. No melodrama, no birthday banners about Daryl Morey being a liar, no Teletubby coats. Just fast breaks, fresh legs, and a rookie who already has his name next to Wilt’s.
We’ve been hurt before, so no one’s saying “This is the year.” But after one game, it’s hard not to feel a little something.
When you think of fall in the mountains, the quintessential image that probably comes to mind is of Jim Thorpe. Even if you’ve never set foot in this petite Pennsylvania town — wrapped like an amphitheater in a vertical forest that changes color by the day — photos of it have become the calling card of the Poconos, luring day-trippers and weekenders long before ski season begins.
Named for the multi-sport athlete and the first Native American to win Olympic gold, the town flares out on either side of the Lehigh River in checkerboards of boutiques, breweries and Victorian manors. There’s plenty to do within its small footprint, and the rest of the Poconos waits right at its doorstep.
The Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway is known for its Autumn Leaf train excursion.
Ride: Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway
Imagine gliding through a kaleidoscope of gold, russet and amber leaves. That’s why the ticket booth for the Lehigh Gorge Scenic Railway opens early — 7 a.m. on weekends, 9 a.m. on weekdays — for its wildly popular Autumn Leaf train excursion. Tickets are sold only in person, the day of, so plan ahead. The 45-minute round trip offers stunning views best seen (and photographed) from the open-air carriages.
A five-minute walk from the station, the Harry Packer Mansion counts quirky arched dormers, a copper-topped bell tower, and a grand sandstone veranda among its many eccentricities. Built in 1874 by railroad tycoon Asa Packer as a wedding gift for his son, Harry, the mansion (and adjacent carriage house) features eight rooms with ornate woodwork and vintage décor. Check in on the second or fourth weekend of each month for an immersive murder mystery, where costumed characters bring the mansion to life.
About 20 minutes east of Jim Thorpe sits Pocono Raceway, the legendary 2.5-mile track that’s hosted NASCAR races since 1971. For an adrenaline rush, hop into a Dodge Charger Hellcat for a ride-along with a professional driver around the “Tricky Triangle,” hitting 60 mph in just over three seconds.
A raceway and organic farm might seem like unlikely neighbors, but the Poconos are full of surprises. One of the largest regenerative agricultural projects in North America, Pocono Organics has a can’t-miss café with an epic grass-fed cheeseburger, a beet salad dressed with tahini, harissa and pistachios, and house-baked pastries worth saving for the morning drive home.
📍1015 Long Pond Rd., Blakeslee, Pa. 18610
Shop: Downtown Jim Thorpe
Back in town, stroll down Broadway, the main drag lined with boutiques that feel far more cosmopolitan than you’d expect in a mountain village. Browse plus-size consignment at BawdyPlus, bespoke stationery at Somersault, indie paperbacks at Sellers Books & Art, and 18th-century curiosities at Antiques on Broadway.
📍77 Broadway, Jim Thorpe, Pa. 18229 (BawdyPlus);📍65 Broadway, Jim Thorpe, Pa. 18229 (Sellers Books & Art);📍52 Broadway, Jim Thorpe, PA 18229 (Antiques on Broadway)
Drink: Bright Path Brewing
Cross the bridge over the Lehigh River to the east side of town for pre-dinner drinks at Bright Path Brewing, a relaxed taproom with forest-green walls and pipe-legged tables. Bright Path has been brewing German-accented beers since 2022; the smoked Maibock may be meant for spring (“Mai” = May), but its subtle smokiness pairs perfectly with crisp autumn air.
📍1215 North St., Jim Thorpe, Pa. 18229
Dine: Café Arielle at the Stabin Museum
End the evening with art and ambiance. Step into The Stabin Museum, where artist Victor Stabin’s genre-bending naturalist paintings line the walls, before dining at the adjacent Café Arielle. Red-curried salmon and roasted duck with blueberry gastrique fill the tables of this stone-and-wood hideaway, glowing like a lantern in the mountain night.
When it’s getting chilly out, I want spaghetti, red sauce, and something fried — with no frills. At Villa di Roma, I ordered the eggplant parmesan and that’s exactly what I got: four crisp breaded discs smothered in mozzarella, served over spaghetti and house-made marinara. Behind me two women shared four martinis as they dug into their pasta. No matter what you order, the vibes of Villa di Roma (one of the picks in The Inquirer’s inaugural edition of The 76), are simply perfect, white tablecloths, drop ceilings, warm service, and all. It feels like a restaurant full of regulars, and I’m ready to become one. Villa di Roma, 934 S. Ninth Street, Philadelphia, PA 19147, 215-592-1295, villadiroma.com
— Zoe Greenberg
A grilled corzetti pasta coin cradles a slice of American wagyu beef and Cooper Sharp foam at Vetri Cucina, where this mini-cheesesteak bite was featured on Vetri’s monthly pasta omakase tasting.
Grilled corzetti pasta with wagyu and Cooper Sharp foam at Vetri Cucina
There’s a new wagyu cheesesteak in town unlike any other, and it has redefined the possibilities of the fancy steak genre in one unforgettable bite.
This creation was just one of 15 incredible courses at Marc Vetri’s monthly “pasta omakase,” a chef’s-counter feast reserved for six lucky people inspired by the small-bite tasting meals of Japan, where Vetri operates a restaurant in Kyoto. Instead of sushi, though, Vetri’s meal centers around creative pasta whimsies: tagliolini with uni and caviar in sake butter, or a culurgione made with carob dough wrapped around duck confit and duck X.O. in an intensely reduced sauce brightened with citrus — essentially duck à l’orange as a dumpling.
Each dish was a jewel of craft and surprise, and a reminder why Vetri remains one of America’s undisputed pasta kings. But he’s also a Philly guy through and through, so one of the most unexpected highlights was reserved for the end of the meal when a small coal-fired grill was brought out. Vetri flashed some stamped pasta coins known as corzetti over the flames. Then came sheer slices of ultra-rich wagyu beef, which he seared and layered atop the pasta with a roasted onion and foamy flourish of aerated Cooper Sharp cheese.
Cinched together with a toothpick, I popped it into my mouth like a mini-taco made of pasta. The familiar flavors of Philly’s favorite street food unfolded with uncommon richness, but also a delicate touch that rendered every element vivid and clear.
Of course, who knows when this wonder will appear again? Vetri’s omakases have remained a scratch pad lab for the chef to experiment with new ideas. The menus are ever-changing and, at $300-plus a person, they’re a major splurge. The corzetti cheesesteak bites received such a rousing response, however, Vetri is considering adding them as an amuse-bouche to the regular menu at Vetri, or perhaps some future event. Vetri Cucina, 1312 Spruce St., 215-732-3478, vetricucina.com
— Craig LaBan
Chicken slider on the happy hour menu at Village Whiskey, 118 S. 20th St.
Hot ’n’ spicy chicken slider at Village Whiskey
Everybody knows you go to Village Whiskey for the burger — if not the regulation Village, then the signature Whiskey King with blue cheese, maple-bourbon glazed onions, applewood bacon, and seared foie gras. But when it’s happy hour and you just need a little somethin’ to balance a shot or a beer, you can’t beat the hot ’n’ spicy chicken slider, still $5. It’s a cute little chunk of brined and fried chicken thigh, atop a thick dill pickle chip, doused in “buffalo aioli,” and sandwiched between a wee toasted sesame bun. A toothpick spears a second pickle chip and holds the sandwich together. Hot ’n’ spicy? Not really, but it hits the spot and is gone in three bites, plus a chomp or two for the second pickle chip. Village Whiskey, 118 S. 20th St., 215-665-1088, villagewhiskey.com. Available only at happy hour, 4 to 6 p.m. daily.
— Michael Klein
Carbon Copy vanilla soft serve swirled with blood orange olive oil and sea salt.
Blood orange olive oil-topped soft serve at Carbon Copy
As much as I miss the sticker-laden grime of Dock Street’s former West Philly location, there’s a lot to love at the taproom that took its place — say, the in-house beer and wine, the fried artichokes with horseradish sour cream dip, Wednesday night quizzo.
On a recent visit, I kept it simple by ordering the always-sublime pepperoni pizza (shoutout to that wood-burning oven) and a dry Cayuga white. The standout, though, was dessert: vanilla soft serve swirled with blood orange-infused olive oil and sea salt. This airy vegan treat cleanses the palate after a heavy meal of bread, cheese, and red sauce. It isn’t too sweet, but the blood orange brings its own juicy flavor kick. Just be prepared for the occasional too-salty spoonful.
Note: If you’re feeling more nostalgic than Italian, consider the adorable baseball hat sundae, topped with whipped cream and sprinkles. Carbon Copy, 701 S. 50th St., carboncopyphilly.com
I should have read the fine print before I agreed to participate in a recent “Hoagie Throwdown” at Other Half Brewing in Fishtown, produced by my friends at the Delicious City Podcast. I assumed they’d drafted me simply to be a judge and taste their lineup of sandwiches from 20-plus restaurants vying to be Philly’s hoagie champ.
Two wrestlers, including one in a hot dog suit, tussle at a match held at Other Half Brewing in Fishtown where hoagies were also in competition.
But I was not meant to praise hoagies. I was summoned to the wrestling arena at Other Half Brewing to make them, something I’d actually never done before in a city where the meat slicer’s whirring hum is the lunchtime lullaby at a thousand neighborhood delis.
“Sorry if I wasn’t completely clear in my early communication,” said Eli Kulp after I’d reached out with concern a few days before the event. The former Fork and High Street chef-turned-podcaster thought it would be hilarious for me to participate in an Iron Chef-style “celebrity” hoagie-making scrum inside a wrestling ring against two still to-be-determined foes. “We want this to be fun for you.”
I couldn’t back out now. But I also wasn’t going down without a fight —and I needed help. A hoagie whisperer. A cold cuts QB coach. A seasoned pro to train me in the sweet science of hoagie-making.
I knew just who to call: Cara Jo Castellino, the sandwich queen of Fishtown’s Castellino’s Italian Market.
The owners of Castellino’s Italian Market in Fishtown, Matthew Barrow and Cara Jo Castellino, prepare to run Inquirer Restaurant Critic Craig LaBan through his paces at Hoagie Boot Camp.The exterior of Castellino’s in Philadelphia.
“You should come over to the shop … and make a test hoagie if you’d like to practice,” she told me.
Hoagie boot camp? That is exactly what I needed! Sign me up, Cara Jo!
Two days before the event, I stepped inside her little market at the corner of East Palmer and East Thompson Streets, and inhaled the heady aroma of cured meats and pickled peppers. Castellino was waiting. She handed me a black apron. I nervously tied it on as she led me into the narrow space behind the tidy counter, where a friendly crew was already in the lunch-rush groove: her husband and co-owner Matthew Barrow peeling sheer pink rounds of spicy capicola off the slicer; Pat Caviness hand-slicing mountains of ripe tomatoes; A.J. Jones busily assembling hoagies on the board; and Derrick Bobb (“We call him Bobb”) working the register with his unflappable charm.
Hoagie architecture 101
The life cycle of every Italian hoagie begins and ends with olive oil, Castellino says, but be careful to stripe the bread side-to-side (as opposed to lengthwise) so it doesn’t pool in the crease of the roll’s hinge and break: “You’ve got to protect the hoagie’s hinge at all costs … When your hoagie’s hinge breaks, it’s very sad,” she says.
The sandwich is then built atop the bottom of the roll, so that when it’s closed, every bite brings a consistent layer of each ingredient.
More roll protection comes from provolone rounds layered down like shingles. Castellino prefers mild provolone because its creaminess buffers against the salty meats to come. She deftly forms the slices of soppressata and mortadella into rosettes, whose bouncy pink curls trap flavor-boosting oxygen between their folds. “You don’t want a dense wad of meat,” she says, arranging gossamer kerchiefs of imported prosciutto over top for the finish.
“Three is the ideal number,” she says, referring to the quantity of different meats preferred for contrasting flavors and textures.
Castellino’s fingers move swiftly atop each hoagie, layering the tomato rounds, sculpting tufts of arugula (prized for its peppery bite and durability), then seasoning it all with more oil and red vinegar “like a salad.”
“Tuck her in!” she says, deftly coaxing the ingredients deeper into the roll with the serrated knife’s blade, slicing the sandwich in half and then rolling it inside paper like a lovingly swaddled baby. It’s fastened shut with a piece of tape. Tuck, roll, snap! Tuck, roll, snap! She makes it look so easy.
The meticulous layers of an Italian hoagie are revealed at Castellino’s Italian Market in Fishtown, built by “trainee” Inquirer restaurant critic Craig LaBan.
My turn. A mess. Too much olive oil immediately sogs up my hinge. My provolone is layered the wrong direction. My cold-cut rosettes are more crumpled balls than fluffy flowers. I bunch up the tomatoes, leave too many inedible stems on the banana peppers, then pile on so much arugula it looks like I’m trying to tame a wild bush. And whoa … the vinegar comes out in a gush!
“Once you do 100 of them, you’ll get the hang of it,” deadpans Castellino.
She patiently coaches me through another classic Italian; the fiery Adronos layered with spicy meats, peppercorn Asiago, and cherry peppers; the mellow Franklin with turkey, cheddar, and sweet bacon jam; a Caprese with milky mozzarella, juicy tomatoes, sweet balsamic, and silky ripples of prosciutto. Only by the last one do I finally manage to wrap a sandwich without half its crust hanging out. I feel encouraged but humbled.
“I don’t think I’m cut out for the lunchtime pressure of this hoagie counter,” I say as I gratefully hand back my apron.
“Nah, you absolutely killed it!” says Castellino, who, like any good coach knows just when to pump up her student for a big moment. She offers a parting secret: “Make exactly what you want to eat. People can feel the love and affection that goes into making a hoagie you yourself would want to devour.”
Three hoagies from Castellino’s Italian Market built by “trainee” Inquirer Restaurant during a stint at Hoagie Boot Camp.The Hoagie at Castellino’s in Philadelphia on Sept. 10, 2024. Food Styling by Emilie Fosnocht
Sandwich smackdown
I left hoagie boot camp with some genuine new skills. But would they be enough to spin gold from whatever ingredients awaited me on the competition table? Eli Kulp, channeling his best Vince McMahon impresario swagger, encouraged me to bring my own secret ingredient for added assurance: “If you’re not cheating in wrestling, you’re not trying!” I took the advice to heart as I stashed a few surprises in a small cloth bag that I hid beneath my black cape.
I arrived to the arena incognito, my face obscured by a Zorro mask and a wide-brimmed hat. Kulp’s words rang loudly in my head as I stood ringside and watched the Pro Wrestling Entertainment talent spar with an unlikely food theme: A bug-eyed, psychotic pizzaiolo named Luigi Primo blinded his competitor with spinning rubber pizza dough, while the Sandman (of Extreme Championship Wrestling fame) whacked the same guy across the back with a kendo stick with hoagie rolls taped around it. I watched a large man in a hot dog suit soar from the ropes to flatten his sweaty foe in the middle of that ring, sending the beer-soaked crowd of several hundred fans into a bloodthirsty roar.
To say I was a tad apprehensive as the hoagie table was set up in the middle of that same ring — with a wooden board of mystery ingredients for my own match — would be an understatement.
Reluctantly, I stepped into the ring with my competitors, the “cannoli-smashing bar-knuckle brawler” also known as FeedingTimeTV (aka Dave Wesolowski) and influencer “Doug _Chase_U,” who instantly began tossing our prosciutto into the crowd.
The ensuing mad scramble for ingredients was only the first of my concerns. I really began to sweat beneath my mask when Chase_U suddenly tagged inone of Philly’s best hoagie pros — Jason Okdeh, aka “Gabagool_Papi” of Farina di Vita — to commandeer his roll.
Only lightly shook, I snapped back to the ingredients before me, remembered my training, and stayed focused on my fundamentals. I quickly gathered three different meats, provolone, tomatoes, onions, banana peppers, and lettuce. But … where was the olive oil?!
The table was set with bottles of brown mustard, vinegar, and two kinds of mayo, including truffled mayo — the use of which should trigger automatic disqualification. But building my entry withoutolive oil, the life-giving elixir for any hoagie, would be like trying to play a stadium concert with your amp unplugged.
That’s when I knew it was time. I opened my cape, reached into my bag, and unveiled my secret weapon to the crowd: a jar of hoagie relish.
The secret ingredient
I lathered the spicy pepper spread on both sides of my rolls, aiming to impress the judges with a flash of juicy heat while also protecting the hinge. I tucked in my chosen ingredients, rolled my hoagies into shape, and delivered my tray to the judges: chef Bobby Saritsoglou of Stina (the recipient of multiple favorable restaurant reviews by yours truly), anonymous Instagram food critic Djour.philly, and Maria Maggio of Food Trade News.
They nibbled and scribbled while I waited, no longer feeling the squeeze. But suddenly I heard my name: I was the winner, with just two points more than Cannoli Crusher Dave.
Djour praised my hoagie’s “great ratio of salad to meat to wet fixins … (which) may or may not have been legally added.”
“We wanted to celebrate the Philadelphia hoagie,” wrote Saritsoglou. “And yours checked all the classic boxes (minus the olive oil, lol). My only regret was not jumping into that ring.”
Craig! Craig! Craig! Craig!
Was this crowd seriously chanting for me? Yes, they were! The emcee was holding a trophy high and calling back me in, and so I bounded up between the ropes, careful not to trip on my cape, and began babbling through a delirious ringside interview to recap the battle. Was I “having fun?” Oh yeah, you bet, as I took a tart and hoppy swig of Other Half’s Yuzu Queen from the chalice of my trophy.
It only felt real, though, when I spotted Castellino and her husband Matt in the crowd visibly cheering. I leaned into the mic and publicly thanked my hoagie whisperer in a Stallone-like croak of joy: “We did it, Cara Jo!”
It’s best for all I now graciously leave the sandwich-making stage to the professionals. No way would I ever wish to replace old favorites like Castellino’s, Lil’ Nicks, Pastificio, Farina di Vita, or upstart chef Reuben “Reuby” Asaram, whose hot pink “Undertikka” roll stuffed with Indian chicken tikka salad won the pro title — a reminder that Philly’s creative hoagie life force is infinite.
But for this one glorious afternoon, I put my critical cold cuts on the line. I paid tribute to Philly’s sandwich gods, fought to the crusty finish, and earned the title of “Hoagie Hero.”
Inquirer Restaurant Critic holds his “Hero of the Hoagie” trophy high inside the ring after winning a celebrity hoagie making competition held by the Delicious City Podcast at Other Half Brewing in Fishtown.
